And that was the other thing. He could no longer pretend that his need to touch Sammy was platonic. It wasn’t. It looked like he had gotten so emotionally attached to the boy that he wanted to be physically attached to him too, his sexuality be damned.
“Jesus,” he said against Sammy’s cheek. “Do you have any idea how much you mess me up? You messed everything up.” His priorities, his sexuality, his emotions—Sammy had changed everything, had gotten so deep under his skin that Dominic didn’t even care that he was going to receive the dressing-down of his life for his fuck-up.
Sammy said nothing. He was very still against him.
When Dominic lifted his head, he saw that Sam’s face was very pale and blank.
Before he could ask what was wrong, Dominic’s phone went off.
Grimacing, he stepped away and answered the call.
“A11,” Dominic said, already knowing what it was about. Luke’s car was bugged and there were surveillance cameras outside Dominic’s house. There was no way MI6 already didn’t know what happened.
“My office, ten minutes,” Amanda’s icy voice said before the line went dead.
Sighing, Dominic turned around to tell Sam he had to go, but he was nowhere to be seen, the front door wide open.
His brows furrowed, Dominic considered following him, but he had no time to find out what this was about. Amanda was angry enough already without him being late.
* * *
Sam walked. He didn’t even know where he was going. He just knew that he had to get away from Dominic’s accusing dark eyes.
Although Dominic hadn’t outright blamed him for the mission’s failure, it was implied. He could feel the resentment, the aggression in Dominic’s body language. Maybe Nick hadn’t said that outright, but he clearly blamed his attachment to Sam, which was basically the same thing as blaming him.
And he was absolutely right to blame Sam.
Dominic didn’t know yet that Luke had talked to him several times while Dominic was away, and Sam had fucked up. He knew he had failed to entirely contain his jealousy. He had been rude and aggressive toward Luke, just wanting him gone from their home. Sam had probably made it blatantly obvious that he didn’t see Dominic as a homeless straight kid would see the person who let him live in his house.
Dominic would surely find out soon enough.
And then he would blame Sam if he didn’t already and resent him for creating problems for him at work. Amanda would undoubtedly grab this opportunity to make Dominic look very bad and unprofessional. After failing such an important mission, there was no way in hell Dominic would be appointed as the Chief of SIS.
And it was his fault.
Sam blinked away the wetness from his eyes. Swallowing the painful lump in his throat was harder.
He sat down on the bench, buried his hands in his hair, and stared at his feet. At the new shoes Dominic had bought him.
He’d brought Nick nothing but problems ever since he had latched onto him like some sort of… parasite.
A parasite. That was what he was, wasn’t it? Dominic had spent a stupid amount of money and all he got in thanks was a failed mission, courtesy of Sam. And it wasn’t some minor mission. It was a high-profile mission Dominic had spent years building the cover for. The mission’s failure would set MI6 back several years. How many people would die because of that? How many people would die because of Sam? How many people would die before Dominic realized Sam had never been worth the lives lost and damaged?
Sam could still remember with perfect clarity the look in Dominic’s eyes when he’d told Sam about the mission he had failed because he got sentimental and refused to kill the pregnant woman.
“It had taken me eleven months to infiltrate that sex trafficking ring. After my cover was blown, it took MI6 another two years to get another agent in.” Dominic’s voice was hollow. “There were children among those sex workers. The youngest kid was eight—the youngest surviving kid.” He looked Sam in the eye and smiled. It wasn’t a nice smile. “Still think I did the right thing?”
Even if Dominic didn’t blame him now, in the long run, when the consequences of his failed mission would be clearer, he would, just as he clearly regretted picking that woman’s life over the fate of those poor children. Richard Whitford’s business corporation was suspected of human trafficking, too, among other things.
Sure, Dominic was fond of him, but in Dominic’s eyes, his attachment to Sam had compromised his mission. How many days would it take before Dominic started regretting giving him a home?
His eyes stinging, Sam pursed his trembling lips tightly.
Maybe he should just leave. He wouldn’t be able to bear seeing regret and resentment on Dominic’s face. He didn’t want to become a clingy parasite in Dominic’s eyes.