Silence.
“I’m tired, Ryan,” Jamie said, barely audibly. “If I mean anything to you, let me be. Go back to Hannah. Be happy. You were happy with her until I fucked it up.”
For a long while, there was only the sound of Ryan’s breathing.
And then Ryan said, “What about you?”
Jamie’s stomach hurt. Maybe a part of him had foolishly hoped Ryan would refuse outright. “I’ll be okay. One day.” He bit his lip hard to swallow back any noise that would have betrayed him. “Maybe when I’m over this, in a few years, we can reunite and hang out—or something.”
“Or something,” Ryan repeated tonelessly.
James’s nails dug into his palm. “It’s for the best. You know that.”
Ryan hung up.
Jamie tugged his knees to his chest and curled around them.
When the tears came, they brought no relief. Fifteen years of friendship and love, gone. Just like that.
An hour or two later, he wiped his eyes and reached for his phone again. His vision was still blurry as he typed a text to Luke.
You want some company in Russia?
Chapter 20
Tristan scrunched his nose up as he eyed the loud, cheerful crowd around him. A New Year’s Eve party. If someone had told him a year ago that he would be hosting large family gatherings several times a month, he would have thought it was a joke. A very bad one. But he couldn’t deny that there was a part of him that enjoyed it. It helped that Zach’s family actually seemed to like him, which was rather bewildering, considering he didn’t put any effort into being nice.
“So where is he?”
Tristan turned his head to his adoptive brother. “Where’s who?”
Gabriel gave him a look. “Your brother. Your real brother.”
Tristan shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t seen him lately.” And what an anticlimax it was. He had been bracing himself for the awkward so-you’re-my-brother conversation for days, but he had seen neither hide nor hair of James since Christmas. He had thought James would come to this party for sure, but Ryan had arrived with his ex-girlfriend, who was apparently no longer an ex.
“So are you gonna acknowledge him as a brother?”
Tristan looked back at Gabriel, surprised. Their relationship might have improved quite a bit this year, but they still didn’t really talk about personal things. He certainly hadn’t expected Gabe to ask him about that.
He wasn’t sure what to answer. Truth be told, he had hated James when he’d thought James had everything while he had nothing. He no longer thought that. If anything, he pitied James now. “I don’t hate him,” Tristan said, pulling a face. “I mean, I used to, but he’s so damn harmless and nice. He’s no fun to hate. It’s horrible.”
Gabriel laughed.
“And why do you care?” Tristan asked, curious.
Gabriel’s discomfort was plain on his face. “I don’t,” he said quickly. “Just wondering.”
Tristan studied him for a moment before a slow grin tugged at his lips. “Don’t worry, you’ll always be my favorite brother to hate.”
Gabriel rolled his eyes with a long-suffering sigh and strode away toward his boyfriend.
Still smiling, Tristan looked around, but his own boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Maybe Zach was on the terrace.
Tristan made his way to the terrace and smiled when he saw the lone tall figure watching the fireworks in the distance.
Only when he stepped outside, did he realize his mistake. It wasn’t Zach; it was Ryan.
Tristan was about to turn back but hesitated, his curiosity piqued. He’d heard that Ryan had made up with his girlfriend just a few days ago. What was he doing here all by himself?
He walked closer and Ryan turned his head slightly.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” Tristan said.
Ryan took a long drag on his cigarette, his gaze returning to the fireworks. “Haven’t smoked in years.”
“Why?”
Ryan didn’t reply immediately.
“Jamie’s sensitive to cigarette smoke.”
Tristan felt his eyebrows crawl up. Ryan’s answer didn’t surprise him; his voice did: completely toneless, emotionless.
Noticing cigarette butts at Ryan’s feet, Tristan commented, “And you’re making up for the lost time…”
“Something like that,” Ryan said, without looking at him.
“I guess your girlfriend isn’t sensitive to cigarette smoke.”
Ryan’s lips thinned. “If you have something to say, just say it.”
“You don’t look terribly happy for a guy who just got back with his girlfriend.”
“We aren’t together. Yet.” At Tristan’s inquiring look, Ryan clarified, “We’re here as friends. Hannah’s giving me a chance to win her over.”
“Yeah, I see how hard you’re trying. To try harder you would have to leave her alone at the party you brought her to—oh, wait.”
“Please tell me my brother spanks you.”
Tristan grinned. “He does. But I love it, so it’s not much of a punishment.”
A faint smile curled Ryan’s lips briefly. He took a long suck on his cigarette and blew the smoke out off to the side.
Eyeing the strong line of his jaw, Tristan idly wondered whether Ryan beat Gabriel’s boyfriend to the title of the most handsome man he’d ever met. Not that it mattered, though: Zach was still hotter, at least in Tristan’s biased opinion. But he could understand why James was so hung up on Ryan: if Tristan had been growing up with that, he probably would be, too.