Just a Bit Dirty (Straight Guys 10)

“He isn’t dead yet,” Zach said in a tone that suggested he wasn’t entirely happy about it. “Though he might as well be.”

Tristan didn’t ask. Knowing how thorough Zach was, he had likely found out everything there was to know about Ian Caldwell’s condition.

Tristan sighed. “And here I was wondering what kind of father you would be,” he said. “I shouldn’t have wondered. You’re going to be the definition of an overprotective dad.”

Zach’s gaze snapped to him. “What?”

Tristan shrugged. “Quit looking at me that way,” he said in his most casual voice. “You think I don’t know that you want kids?”

Zach stared at him for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of him. He took Tristan’s hands into his own. “It isn’t just about what I want, brat.”

Tristan rolled his eyes. Seriously, it was like sometimes Zach forgot that he was a grown man. “I’m hardly going to do something just because you want it. You know me better than that.”

Zach peered into him searchingly. “You really want it?”

Tristan looked around the room before returning his gaze to Zach’s gray eyes. He shrugged again. “I wouldn’t mind having a little girl, I guess. But she has to be very pretty. We can’t have an ugly daughter or she’ll grow up with a bunch of self-esteem issues.”

Zach shot him an exasperated look, but he was grinning, for the first time since Miles had returned home.

It made Tristan grin back at him helplessly.

Zach leaned forward and gave him a short, soft kiss—except they somehow ended up snogging on the floor, with Tristan straddling Zach’s lap.

When their kiss turned to soft pecks, Tristan put his head on Zach’s shoulder and closed his eyes, just enjoying the moment of happiness. They had become rare ever since Miles had returned home broken and fragile, the light in his eyes gone.

“He’ll get better,” he said quietly.

Zach’s arms tightened around him. He sighed. “It’s been a month already. Have you seen him smile once?”

“He smiles all the time.”

“You know what I mean.”

Tristan grimaced slightly. As someone who used to wear fake smiles every day, he could recognize other people’s masks from a mile away, and Miles’s wasn’t even a good one.

“He’ll get better. No one has died from a broken heart yet.”

“That’s actually not true,” Zach said. “It’s called stress-induced cardiomyopathy. It can happen even to healthy people—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Tristan said, lifting his head and glaring at him with what he hoped was exasperation but was probably fondness. “You just can’t live without telling me how wrong I am, can you?”

Zach smirked and kissed him again.

Burying his fingers in his husband’s hair, Tristan kissed back, all thoughts about Miles forgotten.

Chapter 22

Miles snapped his eyes open, his heart pounding, a scream frozen in his throat. The screech of tires, the crash—it all seemed so real that it took him a long time to calm down.

When he finally did, he got out of the bed and padded toward the nearest bathroom. It was just six in the morning, but he knew from experience that there was no way he was getting back to sleep. Besides, four hours of sleep was still better than he had on most nights. At least he didn’t have classes that day.

Finished with the shower, Miles brushed his teeth, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He knew he looked like a mess. The dark circles seemed to have become a permanent feature on his pale face, and his eyes were probably bloodshot and puffy. Zach was going to frown and look at him sadly, and Miles would have to pretend he didn’t notice anything and smile, smile, and smile.

Just thinking about it exhausted him. Considering that it was Zach’s birthday and the entire Hardaway clan would arrive later that day, the prospect filled Miles with dread and mental exhaustion. There were going to be questions, pitying looks, and concerned gazes exchanged behind his back.

They all knew.

He’d never told them anything, but somehow, they knew. Zach had likely found out everything from Alexander. It would have been mortifying if Miles had the capacity to feel much of anything but numb.

He heaved a sigh, thinking of his siblings’ numerous attempts to convince him to have a heart-to-heart. Zach was the most pushy, of course, but the others weren’t much better. Ryan was almost as bad as Zach. Nick was the only one who’d stopped pressing the issue after Miles told him he didn’t want to talk about it. John kept giving him such pitying looks that Miles was relieved John had a family of his own and didn’t live in London since he’d gotten married.

Sandra was the worst, though. She gave him hugs at every opportunity, but it wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was when she’d brought her kids with her. Every time Miles looked at them, he couldn’t help but think of another little boy who was likely all alone and scared in an unfamiliar place. Miles could only hope that losing both his father and him hadn’t erased all the progress Liam had made over the summer.