Just a Bit Dirty (Straight Guys 10)

He stopped in the doorway for a moment, just taking in his family.

Sandra, laughing with her husband. Tristan, murmuring something into Zach’s ear, Zach’s arm around him. Ryan and James being all disgustingly sappy as only recently engaged couples were. John and his wife Vanessa snuggled up on the couch. Nick and Tyler playing tag with the kids.

They all looked so happy and content with their lives.

Miles didn’t know when he’d stopped feeling like he was one of them. Oh, he still loved his siblings, but he felt… He felt such a disconnect from them, a gap he seemed unable to breach. No matter how hard he tried, he felt like an outsider among them. A fraud.

For a moment, he considered just going upstairs and hiding in his room, but that would be the cowardly choice. If he didn’t spend time with his family even on Christmas, that would definitely tell his siblings that he wasn’t fine, and the number of pitying looks he would receive would be unbearable.

Grimacing, Miles walked into the room and stretched out on the couch next to the Christmas tree. He pulled out his phone just to keep the pretense of being busy so that none of his siblings tried to drag him into a conversation.

He opened Google and stared at it for a long moment before closing it. No. Not today.

He opened WhatsApp. There was a new message from Harry. Over the past month, they’d become pretty good friends. Harry was a bit of a weirdo, to be honest, but Miles found that he didn’t mind. It was much easier to sustain his uncomplicated, easy friendship with Harry than with any of his other mates. They had met up for coffee a few times, but mostly he and Harry just texted. Harry constantly sent him funny kitten videos in the misguided belief that they would cheer him up. Miles didn’t disabuse him of the notion, even though he’d never really liked cats. It was the thought that counted. Besides, tiny cats were a lot cuter than adult cats.

But Harry’s new message wasn’t a kitten video.

Please don’t be angry. I kind of did something you told me not to do.

Frowning in bemusement, Miles typed a few question marks.

The doorbell rang, and Zach went to open it.

Miles didn’t pay it any mind, watching Harry type his reply. Harry was a very slow texter, so he expected it to take a while.

“Good evening. Is Miles here?”

That voice.

Miles froze, his phone clattering to the floor.

He lifted his gaze. It seemed to happen in slow motion, or maybe the world just slowed down.

There, at the door, stood Ian.

A noise left Miles’s throat, his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at Ian’s face. Was this a dream? Was he dreaming?

But no, it really was Ian. His face was thinner, his cheekbones more prominent, and there seemed to be more gray at his temples than there had been before, but those eyes—Christ, those blue eyes were now fixated right on Miles over Zach’s shoulder, and Miles suddenly felt dizzy. Dizzy, breathless, and elated. Ian was alive. Ian was alive and well and here.

A wide, shaky grin split Miles’s face. He got to his feet, and the next thing he knew, he was in Ian’s arms, clinging to Ian with all his strength, his vision blurry from tears. Ian, Ian, Ian. God, Miles felt like he was drowning in him, in his scent, in the feel of his firm body against his own, in his low, familiar voice whispering sweet nothings in his ear as Ian hugged him back. Miles was drowning in him, but at the same time, he felt like he was breathing for the first time in months.

“You aren’t allowed to ever die,” he whispered harshly, mouthing at Ian’s neck before sinking his teeth in and sucking. There. Property of Miles Hardaway.

Ian let out a half-choked sound that was somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

“All right, I draw a line at that,” Zach’s voice said.

Zach’s voice. Zach.

Right. He was sucking on Ian’s neck and clinging to him in front of his entire family.

The realization didn’t make him loosen his grip on Ian at all. He wouldn’t let go. He would never let go.

“Miles,” Ian said gently enough but with an underlining firmness.

Miles shivered, his body reacting to that tone in a very predictable way.

Reluctantly, he pulled back a little, but he didn’t turn around to look at his family. He could feel their gazes on them, but at the moment, he couldn’t care less. All he could see was Ian’s face, Ian’s blue eyes roaming over him with the same hunger Miles could feel inside his chest—inside his very soul. God, Ian was alive. He was alive and well. It still didn’t seem real. He was irrationally afraid that he was going to wake up any moment now and Ian would be gone.