Just a Bit Wrong (Straight Guys 4)

Zach averted his eyes. “I didn’t.”

“Really? You should have seen your face when you told Nick to stay put. It was clear you thought you had the right to deal with the situation even though he was Nick’s date.”

“He wasn’t Nick’s date,” Zach said testily.

Donna chuckled. “See? You hate even the suggestion that he was someone else’s.” When he remained silent, a humorless smile appeared on her face. “You know, I always thought you were like me: that you were too practical and rational to feel silly emotions like jealousy. But apparently, it just took the right person to wake up your primitive side.”

Zach couldn’t even form the words of denial that rose up in his throat. He thought about what it probably looked like. He did behave like a jealous man around Tristan. Because he was jealous. He was. There was no point denying it.

“Where are you going with this?” he said quietly.

She bit her lip. “I want my husband to be devoted to me. I don’t mean sex—you know I don’t care much about it as long as we have an understanding. I mean emotional commitment. Can you honestly say that if we get married, you will not drool, pine and get jealous over your brother’s boyfriend?”

“If?” Zach said.

She shrugged. “If—when—I don’t know. After what I’ve seen, I’m not sure this is what you want—what I want.”

Zach stared at her. “We’ve been together for ten years. We’re getting married in a month. The invitations have been sent out. I’m not leaving you at the altar.”

“I know you won’t,” she said. “You’re too responsible for that. But that’s not enough. I need more.”

“I know you, Donna,” Zach said, stepping closer to her and touching her cheek. He wasn’t fooled by her calm tone. No matter what she said, he knew she would be very hurt and embarrassed if he broke the engagement so close to the wedding. “It would be mortifying for you if we canceled the wedding now.”

“I prefer to be mortified for a few days to marrying a man who’s crazy about someone else.”

Zach averted his gaze again. “I’m not—”

“Stop,” she said, putting a hand to his lips. “Stop and think. I’ll give you a week to figure it out. When—if—we marry, I want it to be for the right reasons, not because you feel responsible and guilty and all that bullshit. I deserve better. And you do, too. So figure out what—and who—you really want to be with. I hope it’s me, but if it’s not, it won’t be the end of the world for me. I’m a self-sufficient woman and I don’t need a man to be happy.” She smiled without much mirth. “I’m not going to lie to you: I’m not saying I’m not mad or upset—I am—I’m mad as hell—but I won’t be mad at you forever, in any case. Just don’t lie to me or to yourself. We’d been friends long before we became lovers and nothing will change that.”

He kissed her on the temple. “You’re amazing, you know that, right?”

“I know,” she said, her tone very light. “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you. You’d better remember that.”

As he watched her go, he wished he could erase the last few months and convince her that she was the one he wanted to be with.

He couldn’t do it now. He had to convince himself first.

Come over tonight. Just tonight. If you want.

Zach closed his eyes.

Chapter 23

He hadn’t come. Of course he hadn’t.

Tristan stared at the shadows dancing on his far wall. The tight feeling in his chest was just mortification. It was. Except he’d never been all that good at lying to himself. He knew what this feeling was and that knowledge made him mortified.

Tristan rolled over, punched his pillow a few times, and kicked off his sheets. He squeezed his eyes shut. He had a game tomorrow, his first game in months. He had to sleep. He had to forget what a fool he’d made of himself and sleep. But just as he’d expected, sleep wouldn’t come.

It took a long time, but eventually, he succumbed to his emotional exhaustion and drifted off.

He dreamed of Zach’s lips kissing his neck. Of his stubble scratching his skin. Zach’s lips were gentle. Almost reverent. They dragged up Tristan’s neck to his ear and bit gently. “You should have made me give the goddamn key back.”

Tristan’s eyes flew open. He wasn’t dreaming. He could feel Zach’s warm breath on his ear. Could smell him.

Shivering, Tristan turned onto his back and tried to make out Zach’s face in the darkness. He couldn’t.

Silence fell upon the dark room, their uneven breathing the only sound that could be heard, and Tristan was literally trembling. He wanted to reach out and touch. Badly.

“Tristan.” Zach released a somewhat shaky sigh, letting his body drop on top of him.