Redeemed (Dirty Air 4)

God. I thought I liked her, but now I’m not sure what to make of the feelings swirling in my chest. It’s nothing like I’ve ever experienced before, and I can’t exactly dissect them. It seems like more. Chloe tucks my dick back into my briefs and helps button my trousers.

She rises without my help, and I tug her into a kiss. It’s soft, with our lips faintly touching. But somehow, it seems like way more than a simple peck. It feels like she just destroyed the world I created for myself, and I’m not sure what to do about it. How can I ever go back to the person I was before Chloe entered the picture? And most of all, I don’t think I want to.

“Thank you,” my voice rasps. Thank you? What the actual hell. Good God, she sucked your dick, man. You’re acting like she treated you to coffee.

Chloe laughs in a way that has the anxiety melting off my body. “You’re welcome.” She pats my chest.

“I can’t wait to get out of this damn elevator and fuck you tonight.”

She freezes in my arms. “No.” Her voice is faint enough for me to misunderstand her meaning.

“Huh?”

“No.” She speaks with more strength the second time around. Warmth seeps away as she steps out of my arms, adding to the distance between us.

“Why not?”

“I can’t have sex with you.”

“Then what do you call the thing we just did?”

“Something amazing.”

I’m absolutely baffled. She has my mind spinning.

She continues. “It was incredible—for me at least. But I don’t want to have sex until you’re ready to reveal yourself to me. And I mean all of you.”

My heart rate escalates. “Why?” Reality crashes back down around me.

“Because sex isn’t something I’m ashamed about, but it’s clear you don’t feel the same way about yourself.”

“This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” I grind my molars.

“That’s the thing. I do see who you are, and I want to take it. The real question is if you really are ready for something like that.”

Chloe has caught me in her spell. But I don’t know how I can go about accepting the version of myself she sees.

Silence surrounds us, accompanied by the shadows. We both sit on opposite sides of the car, our legs grazing one another. My skin itches as the emotional gap between us widens.

I don’t want that. Not in the slightest.

“Chloe?”

“Mmm.”

“Why are you afraid of small spaces?”

If we were outside, I imagine crickets would fill the silence. She says nothing, and I consider dropping it.

“When I was little, my mom used to lock me inside of my bedroom when her visitors came over.”

What the actual fuck?

She prattles on, not realizing my disgust. “My room wasn’t big since we were poor. Honestly, it was more of a closet than a room in the first place.” She laughs, but it comes off insincere. “But it was a safe place if my mom had whatever boyfriend of the time over, getting high and doing other things. Even as a young kid I knew what was going on because kids at school would talk. Turns out she didn’t have the best reputation. So, anyway, my mom didn’t want me to get in the way, so she would lock me inside my room until she was done.”

Heat bubbles inside of me, building beneath the surface of my skin. “You don’t have to keep going. I get it.”

“No, it’s fine.”