Redeemed (Dirty Air 4)

Santiago runs his hand up and down my back. “You’re not a monster.”

“It’s hard not to feel that way when the people who should want me don’t.”

He pauses. “If they don’t want you, then they aren’t the people you need in your life, regardless if they’re your parent or not.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You have a family. You have people who want to help you and make sure you’re happy. I barely have anyone.” I laugh to myself. The sound is shrill and bitter, making my flesh pebble. “All I have is Brooke. And she’s not even here for me to vent to.”

“Chloe.” He tucks a finger under my chin and forces me to look at him.

His face catches me off guard, full of anguish as he stares me in the eyes. “You have me.”

“Yeah, for how long?”

“As long as you want me.” His arms tighten around me.

As long as you want me.

As long as you want me?!

What does someone say to that? How does someone even feel about that?

Santiago cups my chin with the gentlest touch. “I don’t know why Matteo ran away. I can only assume he’s in shock, and that he will come around sooner rather than later to the idea of you. But I promise you that you’re not alone in this. You do have people who lov—care about you.” His cheeks flush. “I care. Brooke cares. So it’s not about the amount of people who do—but rather the quality of that care—that matters. I might be a bit biased, but whoever doesn’t care about you is crazy, because you are single-handedly one of the best people I know. And I’m not the least bit sorry if they run away, because that means I can keep you all to myself. Because with you, I like being selfish.”

My vision blurs. Something in the way Santiago looks at me has something in my chest coiling around my lungs, squeezing the oxygen straight out of me.

Santiago is everything I didn’t realize I was missing in my life. Security. Friendship. Love. The tiny voice in my head whispers.

I’m growing dependent on a person and I can’t deny the fear I have toward that. And cravings are bad. Cravings lead to destruction and heartache, and I’m not sure I can kick a bad habit like him. Everything about him sings to the broken part of my heart that desperately wants to be cared for. To be loved and cherished because I matter. To love someone else fully, and not let a day go by that they don’t know it.

“I like you a lot,” I whisper. It’s not a declaration of love, but it’s the most I can do for now.

He presses a soft kiss at the corner of my lips. “I like you a lot too. I like you a lot more than anyone else.”

He runs his hand through my hair. It soothes me, easing the ache in my chest.

“When do you know if you like versus love someone?” My hoarse voice breaks the silence between us.

“I can only speak from personal experience, but I think I can tell when it takes all my self-control not to stomp across my neighbor’s yard and knock him out for making my girl cry.”

Everything stops. My heart. My breathing. Santiago’s hand brushing through my hair.

I blink up at him. “Personal experience?”

He nods.

“You love me?”

“I’d be insane not to.”

I can’t think, let alone speak. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to mine. Tears trickle down my cheeks, but I ignore them. Santiago kisses me back. It’s a battle of tongues clashing and lips smashing together. I’m intoxicated, getting drunk on breathing in his life.

He pulls away. “I love you, Chloe. I love you so damn much, sometimes I ask myself if it’s normal to have an uncomfortable feeling in my chest whenever you’re not around.”

“I don’t even know what loving someone else feels like, let alone how to accept it from someone.” I frown, hating how true the words are.

“Will you let me show you?”

His simple question steals my breath away. I nod my head, desperate to replace the ugliness Matteo left behind. There’s nothing I want more than Santiago’s love. I want to know what it feels like to be the center of someone’s world, even if it’s for a few hours.