From the side of her desk, she lifted an empty carton and placed it on top. His stomach twisted again. Once she made a decision, Chelsie obviously didn’t waste any time implementing it.
Forcing normal conversation while she packed to desert him wasn’t easy, but he managed. “How did your parents take the news?” he asked of her parents’ reaction to her abusive marriage.
“They didn’t fault me for any of my decisions.”
“That’s because you weren’t to blame.”
She smiled. “Thanks. It took me five long years to realize that, but at least it’s behind me now.” While she spoke, she transferred her books, tape dispenser, and other belongings from her desk into the large carton. When she reached for the tiny silver frames, he knew he was in trouble.
But because the distraction kept her talking without any awkward silences, Griff let her continue. Her weekend had been as cathartic as his. He wanted to hear as much as she was willing to divulge.
“Guess what?” she asked.
The pleased tone in her voice made him wary. “What?”
“I sublet my apartment, furniture and all.” Turning away, she began to collect books from the shelf behind the desk. “Before I left, I put up a sign. Someone left a message while I was away. Two law students love the area and were waiting for an opening in my building.”
“When do they want to move in?”
“The end of the month,” she said.
Two weeks away. “What made you decide to do that?”
She turned away from the bookshelves and she looked at him. “I don’t need it anymore.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s simple. I realized exactly why I’d chosen that apartment and decorated it the way I had—for the same reasons I pulled away from my sister and never allowed myself to get too close to Alix. All that crystal and glass told me every day that there would never be a child in my life.”
“And then I pulled you into our lives.”
“I think I pushed first,” she said, but she nodded, then squeezed her arms tight across her chest.
Griff knew the next few minutes were going to be painful for them both. He also knew that they were necessary if they wanted a future. And that was the problem. Although he now knew what he wanted, her thoughts and feelings were by no means transparent.
She’d closed herself off from him and he wanted back in. He’d thought this had to be accomplished in stages. Business first, personal later. He hadn’t liked it, but he’d understood. Having Chelsie in his future was well worth the wait. If she was planning on moving, he had less time than he originally thought.
“I did a lot of thinking this weekend about what you said before I left,” she said.
Apparently he was about to get his wish. “I said a lot of things.” None particularly correct or rational, he thought preparing himself for the verbal blast that was to come.
“Well, you were right about this one. I did love the idea of what you could give me. I loved the notion of a child and a husband who loved me, of a family that would be there every day when I got home. I wanted what I had growing up, but more. More emotion, more family.” She brushed at the stray tears dripping down her face, then wiped her wet hands on her jeans.
He wanted to spare her, to tell her that none of this mattered, but he could see in her eyes that it did.
“You wanted me to separate my feelings. I did that. I told you I loved you apart from my feelings for my niece. But that wasn’t enough. You wanted proof that I wasn’t using you and I can’t give you that. How can I?” She swallowed, choking on her words and her emotions.
He grasped her arms, noticing that her entire body trembled beneath his touch. “None of that matters.”
“I know. Because I realized something else this weekend.”
“What?”
“Even if you took that leap and believed in my feelings, it wouldn’t work. You’d end up resenting me in the end because I couldn?
??t give you your own child.”
Shifting positions, he wrapped one arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch. “Sit.”