“And Max?” Nikki asked again.
The nurse shrugged. “I assume you can find him at home. He said he had Jack waiting for him.”
Kevin muttered a curse. Jack Daniels was his father’s favorite weakness. “I need to find him.” Kevin knew, even if his father didn’t want to face it, that continued alcohol abuse could kill him.
“So let’s go.”
“I don’t want you there,” Kevin told her again.
She flinched as if he’d slapped her. Although he had no desire to hint her, he had no choice. Not only didn’t he want her exposed to Max, but he didn’t want her to see where he’d grown up. The old apartment, the revolting smells, the seedy neighborhood.
She straightened her shoulders. “Why? Why shouldn’t I be with you when you’re going through a rough time? Why shouldn’t I help you take care of your father?”
“Because it’s my job to do it. Alone. Just like it’s my job to protect you from my family. Such as it is,” he muttered.
“Funny but I thought I was part of your family. Or is this...” She waved her ring in front of his face... “Is this a lie?”
“Of course it isn’t. But there are parts of my family I intend to keep separate.”
She let out a frustrated groan. “You know, life doesn’t work that way. Family’s family. You’re lucky you have a father to take care of. I know he wasn’t much of a parent growing up, but he’s all you’ve got left now. Him and me. You don’t seem too thrilled with him, so tell me. Are you trying to drive me away?” She shifted her bag onto her shoulder. “If so, you’re doing a darn good job.”
“Nikki, just back off and give me some space.”
She shook her head sadly. “I’ve spent some time at the library recently and I did some research.” She handed him a stack of papers and what appeared to be pamphlets.
He flipped through them, then turned the pamphlets face forward. “Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon?”
“I thought Max might benefit from looking through the literature. You too.” Without another word, she turned and headed for the door.
Kevin wanted to stop her. With everything in him, he wanted to call her back, to thank her.
To love her.
But glancing around the hospital room, and knowing what he had to deal with, he was better off alone. And so was she.
* * *
With shaking hands, Nikki let herself into Janine’s apartment. Her sister-in-law hadn’t taken back the key, and she’d told Nikki to make herself at home any time she needed a friend. Nikki needed so much more than that now.
Life really knew how to dump on a person, she thought. On top of being rejected by Kevin, today was the day she and Janine would go through Tony’s things. She brushed at the tears filling her eyes. She might have walked out on Kevin at the hospital, but he’d as much as thrown her out first.
If he couldn’t let her into his life, let her help him through his pain, how could she expect to reach him? Ever? Instead of doing research for Max, she should have been looking into work options once the baby was born. Because Kevin had been making himself perfectly clear.
She just hadn’t wanted to listen.
An hour later, Janine had returned and Nikki’s thoughts shifted from Kevin to her brother. “Take a look at this.” Janine walked out of the closet and held up a battered-looking high school football jacket in red and white, the old school colors.
“The things men hold onto,” Nikki said with a laugh. Tony had worn that jacket every day for three years. “Ties to their youth.”
“To look at in their old age. To show their grandchildren.” Without warning, Janine’s voice cracked and she grabbed onto the wall for support.
Nikki jumped up and ran to her friend, walking her back to the bed and easing her down until she sat on the mattress. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Janine shook her head. “It isn’t you. It’s me. It’s this. It’s life and how damn unfair it all is.” She slammed her hand down on the bed in frustration.
Nikki raised her hand, wanting to of
fer comfort, then dropped it to her side. There was nothing she could give to Janine that would change the fact that Tony was gone. Nothing she could offer Kevin to change his self-perception. Nothing she could offer anyone, it seemed, but herself. And she hated the useless feeling that swamped her.