Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head. “No, you’re not mistaken,” she whispered. “I feel the same way. I just… I need to think. I need time.”
He released the breath he’d been unaware of holding. He didn’t ask how much time. He’d give her some leeway, as difficult as it would be. Especially since their time apart really was apart, as in two different cities. But he intended to find out what had her freaked. And find a way around any problem.
TEN
The following week, Decklan worked long shifts, hoping to lose himself in other people’s arrests and issues instead of his own. Now, on his Thursday off, he met his brother at Gabe’s favorite gym. Normally a game of hoops would knock the tension off his shoulders. Not today.
Not since Amanda had left for D.C. and silence had followed. Though he’d made sure to get her phone number, he wasn’t sure of the reception he’d get should he call. And he didn’t know what to do in order to change her mind and convince her to give a real relationship a try.
He wiped the sweat from his forehead with a towel and tossed it onto the bench by his locker, then fought with his key card and the combination lock. It took three freaking tries to get into his locker.
His thoughts were consumed with a woman, something he wasn’t used to. He missed her. Another foreign feeling. Her scent lingered in his sheets, and he looked forward to bed more than was normal. He just didn’t know whether to push hard or give her the space she’d said she needed. He’d even considered a surprise visit, but he didn’t have her address. Again, he could find it, no problem, but she might consider the invasion of privacy a deal breaker. He didn’t want to give her another reason to run. Not that he knew what really had her scared in the first place.
“You planning on PMSing for the rest of the night?” Gabe flicked him with the end of his towel like he used to do when they were kids.
“Shut up.” Decklan wasn’t in the mood for Gabe’s shit. Which meant maybe he was acting like a girl. Fuck.
“Does your mood have something to do with Amanda?” Gabe asked, leaning one foot on the bench between the lockers. “Iz liked her. I’m reserving judgment because I don’t know her well enough yet. But considering my wife asked Amanda to go shopping next time she’s in town, I’m assuming that will change.”
“Isabelle did what?” How had she been in touch with Amanda when Decklan hadn’t?
Gabe laughed at that. Decklan hadn’t even realized he’d said that last part out loud.
“Apparently, the women exchanged phone numbers while we weren’t paying attention. And since Isabelle seems to think she’s the one, she wants to get to know her better.” Gabe shrugged. “Regardless, it’s not like you to let some chick mess with your head.”
Decklan’s head was spinning, but he held on to the thread of conversation enough to answer his brother’s stupid comment. “Amanda’s not just some chick,” he snapped back.
Which had been the problem from the minute he’d laid eyes on her.
Gabe chuckled. “Yeah, well, I already figured that out.”
“You always were the quick one,” Decklan muttered.
Decklan took more time, thought things through before acting. Yet Amanda, who he’d known a short time, already had him rethinking what he believed in and thought he wanted out of life. Everything that had been enough for him suddenly wasn’t. He no longer wanted to be a man trapped by the fear of loss. And he desired more than the solitary existence he’d carved out for himself so far.
Hell, he wanted what Gabe and Isabelle had, something Decklan had discovered during the short breakfast he’d spent with his family and with Amanda.
“What’s changed?” Gabe asked.
A man of few words, Gabe always left Decklan to sort out the meaning of the question for himself and come up with his own answer to whatever spin or interpretation he chose.
Decklan lowered himself onto the wooden bench, and Gabe joined him. He thought of his chosen life, his lack of dating, the first time he’d gone to a BDSM club and discovered a lifestyle that suited him. Not one he’d shared with his older sibling.
“After Mom and Dad died, I never wanted to give up control—of my emotions.” And more.
Gabe nodded. “I get that. I lived life the same way.”
As Decklan knew, Gabe had tried marriage once and suffered a tragic loss. Afterwards, Gabe had chosen women he couldn’t possibly love and kept his relationships cold. Until Isabelle.
“And control works for a while. Until you realize it doesn’t keep you warm at night. Neither do women you tie up and never let get close,” Gabe added in a knowing voice, forcing Decklan to meet his gaze.
“I never thought we had that in common,” Decklan said, still surprised.
“We never talked about it.” Gabe shrugged. “You think I didn’t know you have the same control issues I do?”
“I didn’t realize we dealt with them the same way.”
Gabe inclined his head. “Whatever works works. Until it doesn’t anymore. Are you still dreaming?” he asked.