Simply Sexy (Simply 5)

But outer calm belied his internal struggle. He wanted to take her into his arms and not just apologize but swear he’d make things right. How, he wasn’t certain yet. But he damn well would. Even if she never forgave him, he still had to prove he wasn’t another man who’d trampled on her needs and desires.

“I spoke to Corinne about this but she said you’re handling personnel now, so I should come to you.” Her voice was cold, but her eyes betrayed both pain and what he hoped was a lingering caring beneath the cool veneer.

He wasn’t certain where this conversation was headed, but at the word personnel, a distinct tingling he’d always referred to as gut instinct set off warning signals in his brain. “About what?” he asked.

“Referrals. I’ve taken your advice and submitted résumés to some major magazines in New York. Some smaller ones, as well.” She shook her head in a breezy attempt at looking casual.

She failed, he thought. He saw the wounded woman beneath. But he was nowhere near as confident as he had been when this mess had started, and he wondered if he was only imagining the depth of her hurt. Because if she hurt, it meant she still cared.

She drew a deep breath. “So if anyone calls, I’d appreciate you giving me a good reference despite all that’s gone on between us personally.”

At the thought of losing her, fear shot through him. “The hell I will,” he said, rising from his seat so he could tower over her.

“Look, Colin, you may not like what I write, but you can’t deny I’ve done a good job at this paper. And you can’t possibly deny me a good reference and the chance to get another job.” She clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides.

“Yes I can.” As he’d done once before, he grabbed her hand, ignored the stares and pulled her out to the hall and into the darkened stairwell.

“You’re being unreasonable,” she said, backing up against the wall.

He knew better than to press for an advantage or to attempt to get close to her the way he’d done last time. But damn, he wanted to. She wore an oversize white sweater and a pair of jeans that enhanced her curves, making him itch to pull her closer and push their differences aside. If only it was that easy.

“You don’t think packing up and sending out résumés is being a bit unreasonable yourself?”

“Did you or did you not plan to get rid of Corinne’s columnists?” She bit down on her glossed lips.

He liked the slight insecurity he sensed because it backed up his hunch, that she wasn’t as hardened to him as she wanted him to believe. “That was my plan.”

“So why would you think me preparing for my future is unreasonable?”

“Because between Corinne, Joe and myself, we are going to bring the paper back to life by returning to news, but I still hope to save both columns in the process.” He had an afternoon appointment with the accountants and Fortune’s together.

The number crunchers didn’t like being hassled during the week between Christmas and New Year’s, but they’d agreed to meet with him anyway.

She shrugged. “There are no guarantees. So can I have your word that you’ll give me a good recommendation?”

Not the reaction he’d have hoped for and, grabbing a minute to think, he drew a long breath. The dank smell in the hallway assaulted him, waking him up to the bleak reality confronting him. “Rina, I’m truly sorry. You’re the last person on earth I’d ever want to hurt. And I’ll do everything I can to save your job.”

He reached out to graze her cheek but she turned her head, avoiding his touch. His gut clenched hard.

“You don’t get it, do you?” She stared at him wide-eyed. “I’m not hurt or angry because you planned to cut my job. Hard as it is for me to believe, I can understand your need to save the paper, even if it was at my expense.” She trembled, wrapping her arms around herself tight. “What I can’t understand is how you could lie to me.” She pointed to her chest. “After you slept with me, got to know my hopes and dreams, my fears and mistakes, after all that, how could you keep something so important from me?” Her eyes welled up with tears.

Knowing he’d caused them, he wanted to give himself a swift kick. “There was no good way to tell you. I admit, I tried to broach the subject and gauge your reaction a few times.”

“At Emma’s Christmas party.”

He nodded. “We got interrupted by Emma’s champagne spill. And by the time I thought I could level with you again, I knew what the column meant to you and why. I realized how devastating the news would be.” He wanted to touch her. Instead, he shoved his hands into his back pockets. “If you understand why I did it, can’t you forgive me for not telling you?”

She shook her head, and the long ponytail that had grazed his body so lovingly the other night fell over her shoulder.

“I can forgive you but I can’t go back to what we had.” Her voice cracked on her words. “First, you’ll leave anyway, and a break is better off clean. Secondly, when I opened up to you, I trusted my instincts and you proved me wrong.”

She let out a laugh that didn’t sound funny and his stomach lurched.

“I accept your apology, Colin. But I’m going home to New York.” From the look in her eyes, she wasn’t joking, nor would she be changing her mind. She ducked beneath his arm and headed for the door.

“Rina,” he called out.

She turned. For a brief moment, her heart was in her eyes and everything he felt for her, the love, desire and caring, was obviously reciprocated. Then she schooled her features into a blank mask. One he didn’t buy into because he’d seen the feelings beneath.