Going in Deep (Billionaire Bad Boys 4)

There weren’t two words more difficult to say.

Kade ran a hand over his short hair, eyeing Julian warily. “Lexie told me about your mother’s accident, your sister’s injury.”

Leave it to Kade to go right for the kill.

“What the fuck, Julian? Why didn’t you just tell me? Or any one of us? You know damn well we would have been there for you, no questions asked. No judgment given.”

Julian swallowed hard. It was easy to look back and think what he should have done. Back in the day, he could have turned to Kade, Derek, or Lucas. Instead he’d chosen to go it alone.

He’d also had his reasons. “I’m not saying your life was easy, but you had a father who’d do anything to make sure you succeeded. Who stood by you, even if you didn’t like his methods,” he reminded his old friend.

Hell, Kade’s father had paid for a cover-up of a date rape accusation for a crime that his son hadn’t even committed, just to be safe.

“I, on the other hand, had a mother whose poor choices and lack of caring led to her death and my sister’s traumatic brain injury.” There couldn’t be a starker difference between their families. “And you can’t understand why I was too embarrassed to share? Or why I turned to drugs to make me forget?”

Kade leaned a hip against the desk, no judgment in his gaze. Just a cool detachment that hurt.

“I can understand your reasons. Doesn’t mean I have to like them. Tragedy happens. But it’s not an excuse for what you did to me, to the guys, and to Kendall.”

On that they agreed. “No, it’s not. And if you’d let me finish, you’d know that’s exactly how I feel.”

Kade jerked his head up.

“I’m an addict,” he admitted, the words difficult to say but necessary to his continued recovery. And though he normally accepted the label, today it hurt like hell to bare his soul.

“I’m in recovery,” he went on. “And have been for a long time. I’ve come to terms with the things I did, and I regret them. I don’t make excuses. So I’m here to say I’m sorry for everything I did. From bailing on Blink to the dirty, underhanded tactics I used against you. And most of all, for hurting Kendall.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his feet.

Waiting as silence fell between them and Kade digested Julian’s words.

“Okay. Let’s say I believe you mean those things,” Kade said cautiously. “Apologies and regrets don’t make you the right person for Kendall.”

Julian shook his head. “And you think it’s fair that somehow you’ve become the judge and jury of who she sees and what makes her happy?” There was an arrogance there he didn’t see a reason to point out right now. “Kendall feels like she owes Lexie, and she wants her sister’s approval so badly she’ll give up her own happiness to ensure she doesn’t hurt or disappoint her. How is tha

t fair to Kendall?”

Kade pushed himself off the desk and strode toward the big window behind him. He stared out at the city, as if looking for answers.

“Look, I’m not asking for your forgiveness or your friendship.” Okay that was a lie, Julian thought, because he would embrace both. He just knew better than to believe either could ever happen. “I’m just asking that you don’t pressure Kendall. Let her make her own choices and trust the decisions she makes.”

“And leave it to you to fuck it up on your own?” Kade asked. “I can do that.”

Asshole. Julian straightened his shoulders defensively. “I just might surprise you,” he muttered. “And I hear congratulations are in order. I wish you and Lexie all the best,” he said, forcing out the words that he meant, even if Kade’s attitude bugged him.

“Thank you.”

Julian turned and walked out the door.

His heart pounded hard in his chest, the emotions flowing through him too many and varied to name or parse out. A part of him understood Kade’s honest skepticism, but dammit, would a break be too much to ask for?

Apparently so.

As long as he and Lexie gave Kendall the space to decide what she wanted, Julian considered it a win. He’d given Kade something to think about. That was all he could do for now.

As for himself, he’d just have to prove Kade wrong and show the other man how much he cared for Kendall. That this time he wasn’t out to hurt her.

* * *

Kendall might have been grateful for the chance to get away, but she missed Julian. She missed the easy give-and-take between them. She’d loved spending her evenings with him and sometimes Alex. There’d been no pressure between them. No worry about what the other person was thinking. She didn’t have to worry about whether or not he’d call.