Dare to Touch (Dare to Love 3)

“Fine. Why?”

“You’re so stiff and quiet. It’s just not like you.”

He pulled to a halt.

Beside him, the water churned, and he stared out at the ocean. “I’m tired,” he told her, no longer willing to couch his feelings in deference to hers. “I didn’t realize it before tonight but … I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one fighting for us.”

She turned to face him, her skin pale in the moonlight, her expression grave. “If I were you, I’d be tired of me too.” She slid her hands into her front pants pockets and rocked back and forth on her feet. “I never said I was easy, and you put up with my issues way longer than I had a right to expect you to.”

She touched his cheek, and when he didn’t re

act, she let her hand drop away.

He clenched his jaw, knowing whatever emotions were grinding away inside him needed to be let out. Let the chips fall where they might; he’d deal with the fallout later. “I don’t want to give up on us but—”

She held his gaze, not breaking eye contact. “I went to see a therapist,” she said, blindsiding him.

“You did? When?”

“Remember the night I told you I was going to the movies? I went to an appointment with a doctor Madison recommended.”

He didn’t know whether to be happy or hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, well aware hurt had won out.

She swallowed hard, her slender neck moving up and down. “I wasn’t sure if I’d chicken out at the door,” she admitted. “I tried to talk to someone after I lost the baby. It was too painful, and I didn’t go back. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Hell, Liv, just knowing you were willing to make the effort would have gone a long way toward easing my mind.”

“I should have been honest, but I also didn’t say anything because I thought I might need time afterwards. I didn’t want to hurt you by saying I wanted to just go home alone.”

“I’d like to think I would have understood. I also would have liked to know you were trying to work through things.” He gritted his teeth, causing his jaw to ache. “So all this time I’ve been trying to hold us together, you were attempting to go it alone.”

She blinked, those indigo eyes wide. “What? No! The whole reason I went to the doctor was because I wanted to make things work between us! I went for us. But when I left the office, I realized I needed to get help for myself most of all. I have to be able to move on from what happened.”

He couldn’t argue the point, but that didn’t mean he liked how she’d handled things. “Sounds like you’re starting to cope.”

Without his help and without at least including him in her plans.

“It was only one appointment. I have a lot more to go, more work to do, but at least I told the doctor everything. I made a start.”

She sounded proud of herself, and he ought to feel the same way. Hell, he probably would if his heart wasn’t lodged somewhere in his throat.

What was she thinking? It was one of the first times between them that he really didn’t have a clue. It had never dawned on him that when she was finally ready to move on, she might want to do it without him. He hadn’t had that sense at the concert, but things with Meg had shifted his thinking. Maybe tonight had altered Olivia’s perceptions too.

Was that what she was thinking of doing now? His chest ached at the notion.

“Tonight, when Meg said nearly losing this baby made her realize that she wanted to be a mother, that even if something happened with this pregnancy, she knew what she wanted … a light bulb went on for me. Everything you tried to tell me became clear.” Her eyes lit up with hope.

He didn’t know if he could continue to listen to her explain her feelings while trying to form his own conclusions, none of them good. “Dammit, Olivia, what are you trying to say?”

“That you were right. I was looking at everything from the lens of my nineteen-year-old self. And she was a hurt, scared young girl. When I saw Meg, so brave and unafraid to cope with whatever came … it hit me. I still want all those same things I used to dream about.” She grasped his hand, holding him tight against her chest. “I want a house, white picket fence, dog, kids, all of it. With you,” she said, repeating his words back to him.

She looked up at him with all the love and hope he’d ever wanted to see reflected in her eyes and in her expression, and relief rushed at him as fast as the ocean waves. “Jesus, Liv.”

She shrugged. “What can I say? I know I’m not easy. Okay, I admit I’m pretty high maintenance.” Her luscious lips curved upward in a smile. “But I hope you still think I’m worth it.”

“You’re not only worth it, sunshine. You’re everything. You always were and you always will be.”

He swung her into his arms, and she locked her legs around his waist, settling her exactly where she belonged. His heart lifted at the change in her, at the possibilities the future offered. He didn’t kid himself that the tough times were over or that she had gotten past all her issues just like that. But she was open and willing and getting help. That was all he’d ever wanted.