Dirty Sexy Saint (Dirty Sexy 1)

“You did the best you could,” she said, gently trailing her fingers up and down his chest. “Both of your brothers turned out to be good men because of everything you did for them.”

He scrubbed a hand along the stubble on his jaw, suddenly looking tired and weary. “Except here we are, facing the man who fucked all of us up, when I thought we’d never see him again.”

A very dangerous man demanding a staggering amount of money that Clay didn’t have. The reminder made Samantha’s chest tighten and ripped her heart in two because of the decision she’d had to make. The only choice she could make to be sure that Clay, and his brothers, remained safe. Even if it meant leaving the one man who made her feel whole and complete. The man she loved with every fiber of her being and would never see again after tomorrow morning.

Clay frowned up at her, and that’s when Samantha realized that her eyes had filled with tears. And there was no way to hide them or blink them back.

“Hey, what’s with this?” he asked in concern as he wiped away one of the drops with his thumb as it spilled over her lashes. “Are you okay?”

She swallowed hard, pushing back an even bigger wave of emotion. “Yeah. It’s just been a long day and night,” she said with a tremulous smile.

He’d been through the emotional wringer, and she didn’t think now was the right time to tell him she’d be leaving in the morning. And selfishly, she wanted one last night in his arms. Because she didn’t want him asking any more questions, she kissed him in order to distract him and, more importantly, to keep herself from thinking about a life without Clay in it.

* * *

When Clay came out of the bathroom the following morning after taking a shower, dressed in just a pair of jeans, he found Samantha setting all her clothes and personal items on the bed, then transferring each pile into a large shopping bag. She wouldn’t look at him, and a frisson of unease coursed through him.

“Samantha, why are you packing?” he asked, wondering if she’d already found a place to live, which didn’t make sense. She’d just brought up the idea of moving out, then Wyatt had appeared. There was no way she had anywhere to go yet. And even if she did, he wasn’t letting her out of this apartment without some kind of security or protection.

When she didn’t reply immediately and just continued to pack her things, his concern increased. He closed the distance between them and gently grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him. “Samantha?”

She lifted her chin, and he immediately recognized that show of determination, but it was the anguish in her eyes that made his chest tighten with anxiety. The kind that came with knowing that his entire world was about to disintegrate and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

“I’m going home,” she said, her voice raspy with emotion and pain.

Reeling in shock, he dropped her arm, feeling something substantial crumble deep inside of him. She was leaving him, and he was hit with a kind of desperation he’d never known before. The desperation to make her stay. With him. Forever.

And how fucking selfish was that considering everything he’d put her through in the past twenty-four hours alone?

“So you’re just giving up what you want and fought so hard for?”

She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her composure, then picked up a folded pile of clothes and set it inside the sack. “It’s what I need to do.”

No other explanation, and he didn’t have the right to demand one. He clenched his hands at his sides to keep from touching her again. He understood her need to hightail it out of here and get far away from him. Her life had been threatened, and last night he’d used her in a harsh way she didn’t deserve, then he’d unloaded all his emotional shit on her. Stuff that never should have seen the light of day, never mind touched Samantha.

He’d always known his past was tainted with nothing but gruesome ugliness, and for that reason, from the moment she’d entered his life, he’d tried to keep his distance. He didn’t deserve her purity, goodness, or light. But dammit, he wanted it, anyway. And now his fucked-up past was going to cost him the best thing to ever happen to him. And he couldn’t blame her for leaving.

Samantha was his sweet, guileless cupcake, a lightweight in every way. He’d known from the beginning that their lives were too vastly different, that someone like her wasn’t cut out to live in his darkness long term.

By leaving, she was making everything easier, right? She would be safer at her parents’ mansion than she ever would be with him, and he could deal with Wyatt without worrying about Samantha’s safety. But knowing that didn’t stop his heart from splintering in two.

“Okay. Do what you have to, but I don’t want you leaving without some kind of security until the issue with Wyatt is resolved,” he said, his voice sounding like he’d just swallowed glass.

She tipped her head, her silky hair keeping her face concealed from his view. “I called my father, and he’s sending over a private car with his personal security. He should be here any minute,” she said in a tight voice as she swiped her fingers beneath her eyes in a way that led him to believe she was clearing away tears.

At least she was affected somehow. He couldn’t handle it if his was the only heart cracking into pieces. Then her words suddenly hit him.

She’d called her father.

Clay’s worst nightmare had just come true, the one thing he’d fought like hell to help her prevent. She

was going back to her parents and, ultimately, back to Harrison. She was going to marry a man she didn’t love for the sake of her father’s business—and give up her own identity in the process. That revelation had the worst kind of agony clawing through his stomach. But as much as he wanted to beg her to stay, he didn’t have the right. He never had.

Just as she finished packing, a knock sounded on the apartment door, and Clay’s heart slammed hard in his chest because he knew this was it. In another few minutes, she’d be gone, as if she’d never turned his life and emotions upside down and inside out.

She turned and met his gaze, her eyes filled with moisture and the same kind of dread that sat in his gut, holding him hostage.

“I have to go,” she whispered in an aching voice.