She let him feed her the bite, and it was beyond amazing. Her deprived taste buds rejoiced, and she was pretty sure her eyes had just rolled back into her head. “Oh, my God,” she moaned. “I need to marry you.”
As soon as the words came out—which were meant to be playful and flirty—her eyes widened, and he merely grinned.
“That’s kind of hard to do when you’re leaving town,” he teased right back, but she saw the disappointment and questions in his eyes.
Still, he didn’t ask, respecting her privacy as she’d respected his.
He served up two plates, then picked up their dishes from the counter. “Come on, let’s go eat.”
She followed him over to a small dining table with four chairs. After she sat down, he placed her dinner in front of her, then took a seat across the table. They ate for a few quiet minutes, and she savored and enjoyed every single bite.
“So, what’s your story, Sarah Robins?” he asked after a while, his gaze inquisitive.
He was leaving it up to her to tell him only what she wanted. They were both so cautious and wary when it came to sharing anything personal, but she felt comfortable with Levi, in a way that allowed her to trust him with parts of her past. Even the difficult, painful parts. And she’d be a liar if she didn’t admit that she hoped if she divulged some things, he’d do the same.
“Well, I grew up in Barrington here in Chicago, and up until the age of eight, I had a great childhood,” she said with a smile, because those memories as a happy, carefree kid were the best ones she had. “Unfortunately, then I lost my parents, my younger brother, and my grandmother in a house fire that was started by an electrical shortage in the living room. From what I was told, the fire spread quickly at the bottom level, and by the time it reached the second story, where all the bedrooms were, the entire house was engulfed in flames, and there was no getting out.”
“Holy shit.” His forkful of pasta halted right above his plate, and he stared at her incredulously. “You were the only one to get out safely?”
“No, I wasn’t home that night.” The familiar sadness and guilt tightened in her chest, along with the devastation of having everything familiar and comforting ripped away from her in one fell swoop. “I was at a sleepover at a friend’s house. I didn’t find out until the next morning, when my friend’s mother told me. One day my family was there, and the next, they were gone.”
“Damn,” he muttered beneath his breath, his gaze soft with sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”
“I didn’t have any other relatives to live with, so I was put into foster care pretty quickly,” she went on, remembering how petrified she’d been like it had happened yesterday instead of so many years ago. “That was scary for a kid who’d just lost her family,” she admitted.
“I can only imagine.” He ate another bite of his dinner, and it was clear he wanted to know more. “Were you at least placed with a good family?”
She took a drink of wine to give herself a few extra moments. She’d never told anyone this story before, because it was the impetus for so many of the insecurities she carried with her, even as an adult—of not being good enough or loved enough for someone to stay with her, love her, and put her first.
It was a pattern she desperately wanted to break. “It took a couple of years, but the fourth family that took me in when I was twelve was wonderful, and it was the first time I let my guard down and allowed myself to believe I was wanted. They had a daughter my age, and we were inseparable and best friends. After about a year in their care, they decided they wanted to adopt me.”
“That’s great,” he said, though there was something about his too perceptive expression that told her he knew that things hadn’t ended well.
“It was great,” she agreed, remembering how elated she’d been when they’d told her the news, how safe and secure she’d felt for the first time since losing her entire family. “Until the husband got a job promotion that included moving to Germany. The Ackermans decided that it was too long and drawn out and complicated to go through the adoption process because of international laws, so they changed their minds. When they left for Germany, I was shuffled right back into the system.”
He set his fork down on his empty plate and swore beneath his breath. She couldn’t bring herself to glance across the table at him, to look into his eyes and see the pity she feared was reflected in his gaze.
After that heart-shattering rejection, she was never the same. Scared to trust anyone and afraid of becoming attached again, especially emotionally, she’d become withdrawn and had isolated herself, which in turn had made her a more difficult child to place. “I went through quite a few foster homes after that, and mostly the ones that were looking for a supplemental state paycheck instead of really wanting a child. When I turned eighteen and graduated from high school, I aged out of foster care and was completely on my own, with nowhere to go.”
“What happened?” he asked softly.
She finally allowed herself to look at Levi, and the compassion and understanding she saw on his face gave her the courage to answer him. “I was homeless for a while, struggling to find a job, and it was hard and terrifying. A woman at the shelter where I was staying put me in contact with an organization called Foster Link that helps young adults just out of the system who are struggling to survive because they don’t have a support system. They set me up with a caseworker, and she helped me get into an outreach housing program so I was no longer homeless. From there, we laid out a plan that included finding a job and focusing on a long-term career. Within a few weeks, I was working as a receptionist in a medical office, and I decided to take night classes at a local community college so I could work toward a nursing degree.”
For the first time in her life, she’d felt as though she’d finally found a path and had a direction, with a promising future. “Then about a year later, I met a guy at school. He was in my biology class, and after a few months of dating, I left the outreach housing program and we moved in together.”
She couldn’t even say that she’d loved James. She recognized now that her decision at the time had been more about her need for security and stability, and once again she’d believed she’d found that, this time with him. Except she’d discovered, belatedly, that James was all about himself, and he certainly hadn’t stuck around when things had gotten rough.
“The office I was working at went out of business, which left me jobless again,” she said as she absently slid her fingers along the condensation gathering on her glass while Levi listened silently. “And then one day, when I came home from an interview, all of James’ things were gone, and so was he.” He’d also taken all but ten dollars out of their joint savings account, leaving her flat broke, as well as unemployed. “So, I was on my own again. I had to drop out of school so I could work two jobs to get ahead, and, well, it’s been a struggle ever since.”
She couldn’t bring herself to tell Levi about Dylan—that once again she’d allowed herself to think that he was different, that he cared about her . . . when the entire time he’d had ulterior motives, and once he’d lured her into Sacrosanct, he’d become a possessive asshole. That’s when Sarah decided it was time to get out, any way she could.
“Sometimes, life is a struggle,” Levi said, as if he’d gone through his share of strife. “But it doesn’t always have to be that way.”
She smiled at his comment, knowing he was trying to be positive. “I believe that, too. Which is part of the reason I’m leaving Chicago. I’m ready for a fresh start somewhere new, a clean slate, so to speak, and since I don’t have anything or anyone tying me to this city, it’s the perfect time to go.”
“I get it,” he said softly, though she could have sworn she saw a glimmer of regret in his gaze. “But as long as you’re still here, there’s always a chance that something might change your mind.”
She shook her head. “I doubt it.” Her mind was made up, and even a man as sexy and kind as Levi wouldn’t detour her plans—not that he was offering her a reason to stay.