two of you the next day at the wedding, it was a no-brainer that you guys had sex.”
Mason frowned. “You were there when I told Tara that nothing happened.”
“And she believed you, but I’m your brother and I know when you’re lying. I can see it in your eyes, especially when it comes to Katrina. And being a cop makes it even easier to spot when you’re not being totally honest.”
“Nice,” Mason muttered. He’d have to remember not to look his brother in the eyes the next time he was telling a fib.
“So, you slept together,” Levi said, bringing the conversation back to the issue at hand. “What’s the problem?”
“The problem is, I totally fucked up the friendship. No pun intended,” he muttered.
A slight smile touched the corner of Levi’s mouth. “How so?”
“Because now things are . . . different between us.” He dragged his fingers through his hair in aggravation. “Awkward, weird, and tense, even though we agreed at the time that it wouldn’t be. And she’s out on a date with another guy tonight, and it’s driving me nuts thinking about it.”
Levi’s brows rose in surprise. “Are you saying that you’re actually jealous of who Katrina is seeing and dating?”
His stomach churned with acid. “Yeah, and I fucking hate it.” He’d never had an issue with who she’d dated in the past, but that had been before they’d blurred the lines of their friendship. Now that he knew what it felt like to be inside of her, to have her body wrapped so intimately around his, for the first time ever with a woman, it changed everything.
Levi absently swirled his orange juice in his glass as he thought for a moment. Then he glanced at Mason with a crooked smile “You know, I don’t understand why the two of you don’t just start dating like a normal couple.”
Mason frowned. “Because I don’t date. And because . . .because she’s my best friend and that’s just . . . weird.”
Levi laughed. “Dude, you had sex with her. And you’re worried about dating Katrina being weird?”
“I know, I know,” he said, realizing how ridiculous it all sounded. But he couldn’t stop those doubts from continually rearing their ugly head, and he let them out before he lost the nerve.
“I’ve never dated anyone before. Ever,” he said as he peeled at the label on his beer so he didn’t have to look directly at Levi while confessing his greatest fears. “And I’m so afraid I’ll fuck up everything worse with Katrina than it already is. What if I screw up and then we don’t even have the friendship to fall back on and I lose her forever?” God, that would destroy him. “What if she realizes that I’m just not that great of a guy and she could do so much better? That I’m a total loser who doesn’t have the ability to offer her everything she needs from that kind of relationship?”
“If you were a loser, she wouldn’t have stuck with you for the past twelve years,” Levi said in a wry tone.
“As a friend,” Mason corrected his brother. “Not as someone who wants something . . . more.”
Understanding glimmered in Levi’s gaze. “Look, you don’t know how things will play out unless you try to build something more with Katrina.”
Mason swallowed hard before admitting the truth. “I’m afraid.”
“You can’t let the past keep defining your future actions,” Levi stated bluntly. “At some point, you need to change your pattern of behavior in order for anything else around you to change.”
Mason narrowed his gaze at his brother. “And what actions are those?”
“You being a manwhore,” Levi said, obviously trying to inject some humor into the conversation. In the next few seconds, his expression turned much more serious. “You think I don’t understand why you don’t let any one woman close enough for you to fall in love?”
There Levi went again, being all observant and perceptive, though Mason was curious to know what conclusions his brother had drawn. “Why don’t you enlighten me with your wisdom?” he drawled.
Levi ignored his smartass tone. “We grew up with a mother who, for all intents and purposes, abandoned the kids she’d never wanted anyway, and all three of us dealt with that situation in very different ways. Clay became the parent. The responsible one who made sure we stayed together. Even though it meant he had to work his ass off in order to give us a decent life without the constant abuse of Wyatt,” he said of their mother’s asshole boyfriend who’d taken great enjoyment in terrorizing them, until one day Clay had fought back.
Thank God that part of their past was done, gone, and finished. And even though Wyatt had recently come back into their lives to threaten Clay once more, it hadn’t ended well for Wyatt, who was now in jail for a murder he’d committed over a year ago. But at least that confrontation had allowed Clay to finally open himself up to the possibility of a future with Samantha. What would it take for Mason to believe in himself that way?
Levi continued on. “I was so young, but even I developed my own coping mechanisms. I would always . . .” He frowned and let the words go unsaid, as if he didn’t want to shine that particular mirror on himself and reflect on his own painful memories. And Mason wasn’t about to push him for more.
“You were a goddamn hellion,” Levi said instead, turning things back to Mason. “After everything we went through, with our mother going to jail and Wyatt giving up on us thanks to Clay, I remember you doing everything you could to push Clay to the breaking point. It was like you were continually testing him, and he never gave up on you. Ever.”
“I know,” Mason said, and he was grateful, because he hadn’t made it easy on his older brother at all.
“So, this thing you do with women . . . You don’t form attachments because you’re hung up on what happened in the past,” Levi said. “You walk away without even trying to see if something other than sex might develop, and you deliberately choose women who aren’t going to want anything more than something physical so there’s no threat of you getting emotionally involved. But Katrina . . . she’s different from all those casual encounters. She always has been.”
Mason couldn’t argue with Levi’s theory because it was the truth.