And she hadn’t. But now, after eight years of being gone, he was back, and she had to forcibly swallow the sick feeling rising in her throat as all those horrific memories came flooding back as she stared at him. He no longer looked like a teenage boy. After being in the military for years, he was built and muscular and, to her, intimidating in size, and the very thought made her feel as though she suddenly couldn’t breathe.
He gave her a friendly smile, and there was no trace of the cocky, younger version of Connor who’d been more of a delinquent than Mason had been. “Hey, Katrina,” he said amicably. “It’s great to see you again.”
She was so paralyzed by anxiety that she couldn’t speak or move, even when Connor closed the distance between them and hugged her as if nothing had ever happened. She flinched away from him and didn’t return the friendly embrace—she could barely stand to have him touch her without her having a full-blown panic attack. After a moment, he pulled away and stepped back, and if he’d noticed how stiff and unresponsive she’d been, his expression didn’t show it.
“Isn’t it great seeing Connor again?” Mason asked her, oblivious to the turmoil roiling inside of her. And why wouldn’t he be? Mason had no clue what his friend had done.
Katrina’s head swam and she felt light-headed. She couldn?
?t bring herself to answer Mason and say something that wasn’t true. All she knew was that she had to get away from Connor before her legs gave out on her and she either passed out or threw up. Hell, both were a very real possibility.
“I need to make a phone call to a client about a commissioned drawing,” she lied as she backed away.
“No problem,” Connor said easily as he leaned against the counter in Mason’s station and crossed his arms casually over his solid chest. “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
Katrina managed, just barely, to suppress a full-body shudder. She hated the way that sounded, because she didn’t ever want to see him again, yet here he was. And for how long?
“Yeah, we’ll all have to get together again, like old times,” Mason suggested, clearly looking forward to hanging out with his old friend again.
Trying desperately to maintain her composure—because she refused to let Connor think he affected her in any way—Katrina walked back to the office while Mason and Connor resumed their conversation. She closed the door and sat back down on the chair behind the desk and took deep breaths to calm the anxiety trying to claw its way to the surface. Along with the shame and humiliation she’d thought she’d left behind. Obviously not.
Her stomach was in knots, and she couldn’t stop the awful memories of that night with Connor as they played in her mind like a horror movie. Fifteen minutes ago, she’d sat in this same chair and felt hopeful about her future. Now, she was filled with dread, because if this grown-up Connor was anything like the teenage boy he’d been, he had the ability to ruin her, and the power to destroy the fragile relationship she’d just begun with Mason.
She rubbed her sweaty palms down her skirt, trying to give the situation a positive spin, as she’d been taught to do by her therapist all those years ago. Katrina believed that people had the ability to change their behavior or actions if they truly wanted to—Mason was proof of that. Maybe after spending so many years in the military, Connor was now a changed man from the belligerent, hostile, arrogant kid he’d been. Maybe with all that rigid discipline, he’d become a better person.
It was a possibility, and Katrina hoped it was true. But unless Connor acknowledged what had happened between them, and apologized for what he’d done and she believed he was sincerely regretful, then there was absolutely no way she could be anywhere near him. The fear and anxiety inside of her was too real, and right now, she didn’t trust him any more than she had back in high school.
Once Katrina felt like she was back in control of her emotions, she retrieved the laptop she used for payroll and accounting and turned it on to get some work done in the safety of the office—where no one would bother her and she wouldn’t have to overhear or watch the bromance between Connor and Mason.
About an hour later, Mason walked into the office, his eyes bright and his expression cheerful. He sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, clearly wanting to talk.
“Wasn’t it great seeing Connor again?” Mason asked, but thankfully didn’t wait for her answer, because obviously he was excited about seeing his old friend. “I can’t believe how long it’s been and now he’s back in town.”
“For how long?” Katrina asked, praying that it was a temporary stop for Connor and he’d be moving on soon.
“He was discharged from the military a few months ago and decided to move back to Chicago,” Mason said, and Katrina felt that pressure in her chest return. “He’s working at a friend’s motorcycle shop until he finds something more permanent, but as far as I know, he’s staying in the area.”
Katrina knew that Connor didn’t have any family, so yeah, he was probably getting in touch with old friends now that he was a civilian again. He’d been raised in foster homes most of his life, and the last she’d heard, right before he’d left for the Marines, was that the family he’d been with had been relieved to see him go because he’d been so much trouble. According to Mason at the time, Connor had gone into the service because it was either join the military and get a steady paycheck, or become homeless, since at eighteen he was an adult and no longer a ward of the state.
“He asked if I wanted to go hang out at Kincaid’s with him tonight,” Mason said. “Want to go with?”
She immediately shook her head. While she hated that Mason would be spending even more time with Connor, she wasn’t about to be one of those girlfriends who didn’t let her man have time with his guy friends. Nor did she want to explain her own aversion to being around Connor, because if Mason ever confronted him with the truth, Katrina already knew what Connor’s twisted version of events would be. And her biggest fear was that Mason would look at her differently, and treat her differently. Or worse, he’d believe Connor’s lies as her mother had believed her stepfather’s. And that would ultimately destroy her.
No, it was better all the way around if she just avoided anything that had to do with Connor, including hanging out with him in any way, shape, or form.
“I think I’ll pass,” she said as nicely as possible so Mason wouldn’t question her decision. “I have some errands I want to do after work and some things I need to get done at the apartment, so you go ahead.”
He tipped his head to the side, his eyes warm and caring. “I’ll see you later tonight, then? I’ll come over to your place afterward.”
She nodded. “Sure. That sounds good.”
But later that evening, the more Katrina thought about Mason spending time with Connor, then coming over and talking to her about Connor, she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle any part of that conversation.
So, instead she sent Mason a text. I have a headache and I’m going to bed early. I’ll see you in the morning.
A few minutes later, he replied. Are you sure? Do you need me to bring you anything? I can leave right now and be there in a few minutes.
Her throat closed up with a wave of emotion at how thoughtful Mason was being, that he was willing to leave the bar to be with her—she only had to say the words. But honestly, after the day she’d had, she just wanted to be alone tonight. I’m good. I promise.