All the Truths (Lies & Truths 2)

Reina-Ellis: It’s a different type of jump.

Cloud003: Don’t.

Reina-Ellis: Don’t?

Cloud003: You’re my slut, remember? You don’t get to end your life.

Reina-Ellis: I told you I’m no longer your slut.

Cloud003: I never agreed to that.

Reina-Ellis: Doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do.

Cloud003: What do you look forward to when you wake up in the morning?

My fingers hover over the screen as I read his reply. I…never thought of that.

Reina-Ellis: Nothing.

Cloud003: That’s the problem. You need a purpose.

Reina-Ellis: I don’t have one.

Cloud003: Yes, you do—being my slut, remember?

Reina-Ellis: *rolls eyes*

Cloud003: Fine. Let’s think of another purpose aside from that. How about cheerleading? Your friends? Your family?

No. They’re fun, but they’re not necessarily things I look forward to doing every day.

Then it hits me like nothing before and I type the word as fast as I can.

Reina-Ellis: Redemption.

Cloud003: Redemption?

Reina-Ellis: Yeah, ever since I realized what type of person I was in the past, I wake up every day thinking about ways to fix it.

That’s why I’ve been feeling down. Since I learned my redemption hit a solid wall with Asher, I lost the purpose and the need to continue.

I lost the will to live.

He’s the one I wanted to atone to the most, and when I realized nothing I do will work on him, I just pulled into myself and allowed the gloomy cloud in.

It takes several seconds for his reply to come through.

Cloud003: Why?

Reina-Ellis: What do you mean by why?

Cloud003: Why is redemption important to you?

Reina-Ellis: Because I’m not Old Reina anymore. I don’t know what I am or where I’m going from here, but I know I don’t enjoy hurting people. It’s just not me.

Cloud003: What if those you hurt don’t forgive you?

My broken heart continues dying a slow death at the reminder of Asher. He certainly would never forgive me. His perception of me is loud and clear.