Prologue
Evie – 16 years old
“You do know the only reason every guy in school wants you is because they all think you’re just as much of a slut as your mother is, don’t you?”
I finished washing my hands before turning off the tap and lifting my head to look in the mirror at the three bitches standing behind me. They always seemed to wait until I was alone in the school toilets before attacking me with their hateful words.
“You do know the reason every guy in school doesn’t want you is because you’re a nasty, spiteful cow, don’t you?” I threw back at Stephanie, the ringleader, before turning to face them.
I watched her eyes widen in surprise. She quickly regrouped and spat some more nastiness at me, “You might be pretty now but looks don’t last, so I recommend if you actually want to lose that virginity you’re hanging onto, to pick one of them and get it done. The rest of your life will be downhill from here and you might not get another chance. I mean, it’s gone to shit now anyway, Evie, so I’m not sure why you would even hope that it’ll get better. Your sister is gone and your mother screwed her way to fucking up your family . . . and if you think Kick will ever see you as more than a friend, you’re dreaming.”
My hand connected with her cheek a second later and the sound of the slap echoed through the tiny room. Anger pumped furiously through my veins at her words. She’d been throwing words like these at me for months now and, in my grief, I’d been ignoring them. Ignoring her. But she’d pushed me now and I’d had enough.
“Don’t you ever mention Shelly again!” I yelled, as I desperately tried to fight off the guilt and shame that bubbled up whenever my sister and mother were mentioned.
Will it ever end?
Pain pounded in my head as a headache set in. The headaches were never ending these days, and I knew this one, like all the others, wouldn’t ease up for at least the rest of today.
Stephanie stared hate at me as she held her face where I’d slapped her. “Just stay away from Todd and I won’t ever mention her again. He’s mine and I’m not gonna lose him to a whore like you.”
I stood stunned as the three of them gave me one last venomous look before leaving me alone. What the hell? I wasn’t even interested in her boyfriend. Slumping against the sink behind me, I ran through all my interactions with Todd lately, trying to work out what she was referring to. Lost in my thoughts, I was caught off guard when the door pushed open and Kick barged in to the room, concern etched on his face.
His eyes found mine and he asked, “Are you alright?”
I rubbed my temples as the headache intensified. “Yeah, why? And why are you barging into the girls’ toilets?”
He came toward me, the concern on his face shifting to something else. Frustration. I knew that look from him well. “I saw those bitches leaving and Stephanie said something about you being in here and needing me.” He paused and came even closer, his eyes now demanding honesty from me. “I know you’re not okay, Evie. When are you gonna admit it and ask for help?”
Always my protector. But this time you can’t save me.
The pain throbbed harder in my head and I struggled for breath.
I can’t do this now.
I wrapped my arms around myself, my fingers clawing at my arms, digging into my skin. Desperately wanting to force the despair and hopelessness out of me.
“Don’t you see, Kick? Even if I ask for help, there’s nothing you can do. Not this time.” He’d always been there for me, helping me pick up the pieces when they smashed around me. I knew he thought he could fix me, fix this horrible situation, but it was time he admitted it – no one could fix this.
He listened to what I said, his body tensing as he processed it all. Anger tore across his face and I gripped the sink as I waited for his explosion. Kick had a temper and it was about to unleash itself. Although he was only seventeen, I’d seen grown men shrink under his temper.
“Fuck!” he roared, turning around and punching the door. I remained silent and simply watched as he punched it again, his back muscles rippling under his tight t-shirt. Stephanie had been right when she’d said I wanted Kick to see me as more than a friend. But even I knew that would never happen. Although he was single now, he usually had a girlfriend or a girl he was sleeping with. He was my best friend and that was all it would ever be. And I’d made
peace with that a long time ago. But it didn’t stop me admiring everything Kick was.
Good-looking with olive skin, brown hair that begged for fingers to be run through it, green eyes I could get lost in for days, and built with muscles gained from hours of football training.
He turned back to face me and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’m gonna go and sort that bitch out for you once and for all. I’ve had enough of watching them tear you down for something that wasn’t your fault.”
We stared at each other for a couple more moments before he stalked out of the toilets.
Shit.
I had to stop him before he went too far.
I had to make him see.
This was my fault.
I deserved everything I got.
Chapter One
Evie
I’d hit it.
That moment in life when you grow weary of trying.
When you’ve taken so many steps forward and twice as many back and you throw your hands in the air and say to fuck with it.
I was done.
Done caring.
Done wanting to care.
Done with it all.
Life could try and drag me back into the game all it liked, but I was out.
As I sat in the afternoon traffic with tears streaming down my face, I kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel and let them fall. Jeremy was always telling me to let it all hang out, to not hide myself from the world, so I was only honouring him by not giving a shit how bad I looked. And yet, as we sat bumper to bumper, not moving, I was sure the driver in the next car must have been looking at me, judging me. I glanced in his direction to find him engrossed with his phone. I stared for a couple of minutes but he never gave me the time of day.
Nobody cares, Evie.
Not me, not him, and not the driver that killed Jeremy.
I sagged against the steering wheel as the pain sliced through me.
Again.
It had been nearly a week and the pain was as intense as it had been the day he died. But I knew from experience the pain would never go away. Eventually, I’d numb myself to it, but still, I’d carry it with me to my grave. Jeremy and I were entwined so deeply that some days I hadn’t known where he ended and I began. We’d been a part of each other’s lives since we were ten.
Since Kick brought him home from school and declared him a part of us now.
Shit.