Especially with the men Kenton had sent out to help. My sisters had a ton of questions in the beginning, but I managed to sidestep them. I’m not sure Camila is buying what I’m selling, but she hasn’t grilled me too much.
Oddly, my parents haven't pressed me either about what’s going on. They let me take over the books six months ago when things started to fall apart. I think they figured what could it hurt at this point. I’m worried they think everything is turning around, that I somehow pulled off a miracle and saved our land. That’s far from the reality of things, unfortunately.
The girls have no idea about the family finances; they think the new farmhands have been hired to help expand in some areas. I think they’re enjoying not having to come home and lend a hand. They have more free time, as they should. It’s nice to see them enjoying being kids.
I have to admit that it’s been really nice having the extra help. I’m not exhausted at the end of each day. I should be sleeping wonderfully and be well rested at this point. But I’m neither of those things. I can’t help but lie in bed each night, thinking about Kenton.
My mind races with so many questions. Why is he doing all of this? Why isn’t he rushing for us to get divorced? He has grounds for an annulment; why the heck is he not using that option? So to say the least, sleep evades me every night.
I try not to let myself turn this marriage into some sort of fairy tale. Or act as though Kenton had fallen in love with me on the spot. Even though that’s what seems to be happening a lot around Cherry Falls lately. I don’t allow myself to think that I am one of those lucky girls. Knowing that will only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.
I haven't seen Kenton since the night at Lennon’s when he pushed me into the bathroom and had his way with me. He had caught me off guard or I would have kept the promise I made to myself earlier to give him a piece of my mind the next time I saw him. Before I could get a word out, that man had his mouth and hands on me. That’s all it took, and I was done. I’m not sure what it is about Kenton, but he has this crazy special power over me, and he damn well knows it too.
I might not be experienced, but that man knows what he’s doing. And my traitorous body loved every damn second of it. I’m not sure why, but once again, he didn’t take it any further. Nor did he push for me to get him off either. Oh he got off, but he wasn’t trying to have sex with me or get me to return the favor of oral sex. It was driving me nuts.
I don’t know what his reasoning behind not taking it to the next level is. I wasn’t drunk at his brother’s house, so that’s not it. I mean, we were in his brother’s bathroom, but I can’t see that stopping him. So I’m left the way I always am when it comes to Kenton—confused.
The man won’t take me fully, but he still comes inside of me. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty much a hundred percent sure you can get pregnant that way. I’m also pretty dang certain he knows that too. This is another thing leaving me more baffled. Not only with him but myself. Because I’ve been letting him get away with it. Even when I went home after our little bathroom hookup, I didn’t shower until the morning, wanting to keep his smell on me. What does that say about me?
I knew he lingered a little after our bathroom session, but he was gone when all of us girls finally left. I haven't heard a peep from him since, except a few texts which I don’t respond to 'cause I’m a brat.
The truth is I want him here. If I’m being honest with myself, I wanted him to chase me out of the resort that morning and beg me to stay even though I couldn’t. I had people counting on me. Yet, I still longed for it, for him to take back the comments he’d made about my ring and how much I could get for it. I know it’s unreasonable, but I can’t help feeling that way. It felt nice to have someone desire me.
I have no idea what to make of Kenton. The things I’ve heard about him don’t really match the man he is with me. Besides the ring comment, he’s acted so differently toward me than I would have expected him to with how people described him.