Because men like me earned no grace.
Now I sat there twitching like a fiend. Watching the clock and looking for the closest exit.
Had to admit the place was different than I expected, though. Like anyone could walk through the door and be welcomed. No judgement. Most everyone was dressed casually. It was small, but not so small that I couldn’t hide at the back.
Maybe that made it all the worse. Fact a demon had slunk in through the doors and no one had noticed.
Or maybe I was coming unglued because Eden had been itching in about as much discomfort as I was right then when we’d pulled into the lot, and she’d confessed that her father didn’t know anything about her working at the club. Instead, she’d told him she’d been waitressing at a diner. She’d whispered he had no clue about us, and she wasn’t sure how to approach it.
That I was the first, the only, after Aaron.
Hated the way she’d flinched when I’d suggested we pretend we didn’t know each other. She’d pinned on this fake, pained smile, nodded, and said, “Yeah, we should do that.”
Like the girl had secretly wanted me to stand up and claim her.
And I was right back to asking how the fuck a man like me had the right to do that? Two of us so at odds. So different. Coming from such different places. Had no right to suck her into my sordid world, and still, I had her there, anyway.
I took it as a reprieve when her father finished the sermon and asked everyone to bow their heads. I dropped mine into my hands and squeezed my eyes shut tight.
The prayer I mumbled was one asking to disappear.
Never should have agreed to this.
Her father finally said, “Amen,” and everyone looked up just as the band started to play another song.
People began to stand.
That was my cue.
Only an old lady who’d been sitting two chairs down from me leaned over and patted me on the back of the hand. “I sure hope to see you again next week.”
She smiled softly, her eyes appraising.
Right.
Okay.
I went back to roughing that same hand through my hair. “I’m sure you will.”
Not happening, but I would say whatever to get out from under this.
I pushed to standing and edged down the row. People were milling around, filling up the doorway. I slithered through like the snake I was.
I was heading straight to Eden’s room, getting my girl and my kid, and getting the hell out of there.
Except someone was suddenly standing in my path.
Smiling and appraising, too.
But different.
Like he felt the evil lurking from within me. Felt it radiating from my soul and seeping from my skin.
Eden’s father.
He was probably close to sixty. Nothing intimidating about him. But still I stood there shaking in my motherfucking boots.
Though his smile was kind, his gaze still assessed, quick to look me up and down, darting to the glaring sins inscribed on my skin.
His head tipped to the side in speculation. “Hello. I’m Gary Murphy. I don’t believe we’ve met.”
He stuck out his hand.
Warily, I slipped mine into his, swallowed down the jagged pill at the base of my throat. “First time here. My son goes to the school, and he wanted to check out Sunday school, so here we are.”
Gritted it through clenched teeth.
He shook my hand, chuckling, and that smile was turning into something relieved. Like he’d been worried he was going to have to throw himself in front of his congregation to protect them from the likes of me.
Nope, just your daughter, Sir.
“That’s great. Who’s your son?”
“Gage Lawson.”
Everything about him brightened. “Gage? Oh, he’s in my daughter’s class. Little spitfire and smart as a whip, that one. You must be proud. He’s a good kid.”
My chest tightened.
I was.
I fucking was.
Just wasn’t proud of the rest.
“Thank you. He amazes me most days. Best part of me.”
The green of his eyes deepened. “Our children always are.”
Wondered how he handled it? Having a daughter who’d done what she’d done. Betrayed him the way Eden had said.
I forced a smile. So brittle it was gonna crack. “It seems so.”
His head angled in question again. “So, you’ve met my daughter? Miss Murphy?”
Miss Murphy.
Eden.
Little Temptress.
The pill in my throat grew spikes. “Just in passing. Feel like I know her since Gage sings her praises every day.”
Awesome.
Lay it on thick.
More of that parental pride swelled in his expression. “She’s the best we have, and I’m not just biased. Just don’t tell any of the other teachers.”
He winked at that, still shaking my hand.
“I’m sure it’s not biased at all,” I said, playing this game the best that I could all while feeling like a piece of trash.
Standing there having tainted his daughter all while thinking about the next time I got to do it again.