“So, you’re not staying on?” Van asked, leaning against the counter.
“No. My goal was to get this place done and rent it out as much as possible.”
“That’s a shame. I thought you’d be around longer.”
“Hmm,” I murmured, unsure what to say.
“I was going to recommend you to Addi. Get you on as one of the new foremen ABC is looking for. Great future with that company.” He paused. “Plus, you know…Ava.”
“Ava and I have an understanding.”
He took a sip of the coffee he had brought with him. “I guess I thought that had changed. You two seem so close.” He shook his head. “Too bad. You’d have a great life here. Good job, a woman who loves you, a family that would add something to your life you didn’t even know you were missing.”
The sound of a car pulling up made him smile. “Here’s Liv. I’ll go say hello.”
I watched him walk away, my mind racing.
He thought things had changed?
Ava’s withdrawn behavior suddenly made sense.
She thought things had changed as well. She’d overheard me confirming with Liv that I was leaving. No wonder she’d been so pale when I went to get her. I had just dropped a bombshell on her I knew nothing about.
The past while, we’d been acting like a couple. And I allowed it because the truth was that I fucking liked it. Being part of Ava’s life. Basking in the feelings she brought forth in me. I let her care for me. I stayed with her when I should have come back here, regardless of the dust and mess. Now I was at home with her. Cash was settled.
But it all had to stop.
The bottom line was, nothing had changed. I didn’t know how to love. Not the way Ava deserved or needed to be loved. I could fuck her, make her laugh, and for a while, we’d be golden. But I would leave because it was all I knew. The urge would grab hold, and I’d have to go. The longer I stayed, the harder it was going to be for both of us when I left.
I had to leave her before I destroyed her. Once I left, she would see she was better off without me.
I ignored the voice asking me if I would destroy myself by doing so. One thing I knew for certain was that I would never be better without her.
* * *
“Did you think I was going to stay?” I asked Ava.
She was sitting across the table from me, a glass of wine by her mostly uneaten plate. She’d used the excuse of being tired, work was crazy, and a late lunch every night this week. But now I knew what the problem was. It was me. I couldn’t take the pain in her eyes anymore, and I decided to address it.
Her eyes widened at my blunt words.
“Sorry?” she whispered.
“You thought I’d changed my mind. That we were a couple.”
She straightened her shoulders. “Yes.”
“Nothing’s changed for me, Little Dragon. I don’t stay. Anywhere.” I folded my hands on the table, wondering why they were shaking. “You knew that.”
“I thought things were different since your accident.”
“In some ways, yes.”
“Which ones?”
“I understand you more. I see that families can be real. I’m grateful to them for their help. It was hard to accept it, but you were right. Accepting help doesn’t make me any less a person.” I paused. “And I learned what it’s like to feel happy. You made me happy, Ava. I will always remember you for that.”
“That’s all? That’s all you’ll remember?”
“No. I’ll never forget anything about you. But, Ava, I’m not the guy. I can’t settle. I don’t know how. I don’t want to know how. I come and go. It’s what I do.”
“What if I said I wanted to go with you?”
I shook my head, even as her words caused my heart to beat faster. “That’s the biggest difference between us. You need your family. They’re a huge part of you, and you would be lost without them.”
“And you don’t need anyone?”
“No,” I lied. Somehow, somewhere along the line, I had started to need her. But it had to stop.
“Everyone needs someone,” she protested. “Everyone needs a place to belong. Hunter, stop running. Look around you and see what you have here.”
“What I have here is a house I’m going to rent for income. A place I might visit on occasion but never stay. A group of people I was lucky to meet.” I sucked in a deep breath. “And a woman who will be hard to say goodbye to.” I met her pain-filled eyes. “But I’ll still do it.”
“I love you,” she whispered.
Her words tore through me. I had never heard those words spoken to me before. I knew I never would again.
“No, you love the man you think I am. I’m not him, Ava. I’m not your knight. I’m just a fucked-up version of him.” I stood. “I have to go.”