Vic Vaughn is Vicious

After I collect my money, I go looking for the princess. She’s standing in front of the donkeys with a pack of kids her age holding a corn dog. Excuse me, jackalope dog.

I smile at that. I’m feeling pretty good about this day. It’s actually kind of awesome. First, I scored us free Anna Ameci’s donuts, then I got paid five grand to pretty much do nothing, and now I’m gonna go home to sleep so that later we can hit up the swap meet and maybe I’ll buy myself a little somethin’ with my new windfall.

I whistle for the niece to get her ass over here and she pouts a little as she says goodbye to her new savage friends. They all smile and wave as she trots over to me, taking another bite of her jackalope dog.

“It’s too early for that kind of crap food, sis.”

“We had donuts for breakfast.”

I think about this for a sec. “I guess you’re right. What’s it taste like?”

She offers me her corndog. And I have to admit, it doesn’t really look like a corn dog when you see it up close. I can’t resist. I take a bite. “Tastes like chicken.”

Jeeves comes up to me jingling his truck keys and leans in to my ear as he passes, whispering, “Snowshoe hare and pronghorn. I told ya what it was.”

“How do they mix it together?” I picture sausage-making and grimace.

“I like it.” Princess takes the corndog back and resumes chomping. “Now where are we going?”

“Home.” I open up the back-cab door to the truck and motion for her to get in. “And then sleep. I gotta get some fuckin’ sleep, sis. I’ve been up for like thirty-six hours now.”

“You can sleep on the way,” Jeeves says. “While I tell the niece the story of the jackalope.”

We get in and when I lean against the door and fold my arms across my chest, my eyes are already closing.

“And that’s the story of the jackalope.”

I open my eyes and yawn as I look over at Jeeves. “What’d I miss?”

“The best story ever!” Niece exclaims. “Did you know jackalopes drink whiskey? And breed like rabbits? And you have to wear stovepipes on your legs when you go hunting them because they will gore you to pieces!”

“Dude.” I shoot Jeeves a look. “Is she gonna have nightmares? Because her mom will kick my ass if she has nightmares.”

“I’m not gonna have nightmares! What do you think I am? A child?”

“Anyway,” Jeeves says—he’s smiling, so I’m pretty sure whatever story he told her, it will definitely give her nightmares—“you’re home. Thanks a lot, Vic. I really do appreciate this.”

I flip the handle on the door, open it up, but then turn back to him. “What’d you get out of it?”

“Finder’s fee.”

“What’s a finder’s fee?” Princess asks.

“How much?” I ask.

“Fifteen hundred.”

I whistle. “Not bad.”

“That Moran clan. Say what you want about how they make their money, but they’re generous with it when you’re on the team. And now”—he pushes my shoulder and then points to himself, then me, then himself again—“we’re both part of the clan.”

“I’m not,” I say, getting out of the truck. “I’ve already got a clan.” Then I look over at the mansion across the street and see my gramps putting his lady friend into an Uber.

“Whatever you say,” Jeeves says.

Princess and I get out, wave to Jeeves as he pulls off, and then cross the street to the mansion. Gramps is waiting for us in the cracked and crumbling driveway.

“Who do we have here?” Gramps says, taking the niece’s hand. I’m still not sure what her name is, but I don’t feel bad about this. Gramps doesn’t know either. He’s like a hundred and fifty-seven, so maybe it’s not a fair comparison, but fuck it.

I refuse to feel bad about getting Ronnie’s kids mixed up. She shouldn’t have so many.

“Hey, princess? You tired?”

She shakes her head, suddenly quiet.

“No nap?”

She shakes her head again.

“Well, I gotta hit the sack. Who’s home, Gramps? Anyone?”

“Some’s around, but sleepin’. Big party last night.”

That’s when I notice that Vonn is passed out on the front porch. His head might even be stuck between two railings and one arm is flopped over the side. Another quick look around and I find Vinn passed out on the grass between the house and the garage. There are too many beer cans to count, about a half a dozen empty Jack bottles, and there are no fewer than four bongs on the porch railing.

Must’ve been a rager last night.

I look around a little more, but that’s it. Just Vinn and Vonn. “Where’s Vann and Belinda?”

“Took off on the bike. Said they’d be back tonight.”

“Where’s Pops?”

“He didn’t come home last night. I think he’s with his lady friend out in Agate.”

“Hmm. Well, that sucks. I need to sleep.”