The following morning, I woke up to a text from my cousin.
Sigmund: Hey, tosser. That damn horse of yours just took a dump on the floor. Come down and clean it before I vomit.
Oh. Not exactly the way I wanted to start my day, but I suppose I deserved it for my rash decision to buy the animal.
After I cleaned up the mess, I took the horse outside and fed him. It was a beautiful day, so he’d be able to hang out in the side yard without me feeling guilty. I did need to start figuring out a permanent home for him. The earlier I lined something up, the better. But certainly finding Ludicrous a good home was the least of my problems. Today, in particular, I felt more down than usual about the inevitability of having to leave Felicity. It was hard to believe we’d only known each other for a matter of weeks, because I couldn’t seem to remember a time when she wasn’t in my life.
My plans for today were up in the air. On a Tuesday, I normally would have headed over to Mrs. Barbosa’s, but the electrician and plumber needed one more day to complete their jobs. So we wouldn’t be able to get back to work there until tomorrow, at the earliest. I wasn’t sure whether to call Felicity or give her some space after the whirlwind of a weekend we’d had. I felt even more addicted to her now, but I also recognized that if I kept things up at this pace, it would only hurt her more when I left. But part of me had started to wonder whether there was any way we could make this work. It was crazy to even ponder, but I didn’t understand how I was going to forget her. It would undoubtedly be the most painful thing I’d ever had to do. Was it possible to just walk away from someone you truly cared about?
I needed to talk to someone. It couldn’t be Sigmund, that was for sure. He’d just tell me to rip the Band-Aid off and book my ticket home tonight.
There was only one person I could trust with this situation. I picked up my phone and dialed her.
“Hi, Leo,” she answered. “Everything okay? Usually it’s me ringing you.”
“I’m fine, Nan. But I need to talk to you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s about…Felicity.”
“What’s happened? Oh, dear God, she’s not pregnant, is she?”
“No, no, Nan. It’s nothing like that.”
“Oh, thank goodness. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“I need to ask you an honest question.”
“Okay, my darling.”
“Do you really think they’d disown me if I found a way to make it work with her?”
Nan paused, and then let out a long breath in my ear. “Your parents…” She sighed. “My honest opinion is that they wouldn’t disown you. But that’s not to say they wouldn’t make your life miserable, particularly your mother. However, do I think they would take anything that’s rightfully yours from you? I don’t.”
“It’s not about the physical things to me—the money, my inheritance. That’s not what concerns me. My fear is upsetting Dad, especially in his condition. I want to fulfill his expectations of me. But at what cost? I don’t feel like I can just…leave her. What if she’s the one, Nan? It’s only been a little over a month, but sometimes you just feel things in your gut. What if she’s the one, and I spend the rest of my life living in regret because I walked away?”
My grandmother sighed. “You’ve really gotten yourself into a predicament, haven’t you?” After a period of silence, she said, “You asked me for my honest opinion, my love. And so I’m going to give it to you, even though you may not want to hear it.”
Bracing myself, I swallowed. “Okay.”
“I understand how you must be feeling right now, and there’s no doubt in my mind that your feelings for this girl are real, even if things moved quite fast. Frankly, from what you’ve described, she sounds lovely—intelligent, beautiful, self-deprecating, and genuine. Worthy of my grandson, indeed. But it’s also the first time in your life you’ve ever felt this way about someone. First loves have a way of not only sweeping us off our feet but clouding our judgment. As much as you care for her, I think deep down you understand why it could never work. Those reasons hold no bearing on your feelings for her, however. And I understand that. But you must look at the big picture. The life she would have to become accustomed to here is so very different than her own, and that would eventually wear on her. The scrutiny from the public, the scrutiny from your mother—do you really think it’s fair to drag her into all of those complications at a time where she’s about to take the next step in her education? You’ve described her as a free-spirited woman, one who’s used to not depending on anyone. Don’t hold her back. That’s what you’d be doing if you asked her to come to England. And you certainly know that living in America is not an option for you. The only thing your father truly couldn’t forgive would be you abandoning your legacy here at home. So, I feel like there’s no choice here, as hard as that may be for you to accept.”