But I suppose that made sense. This was my first time back in Rhode Island since my foster mother had died suddenly of a heart attack two years ago—a week after I graduated from law school. I still hadn’t absorbed the shock. When it happened, I’d come back from Pennsylvania for the wake and funeral, but wasn’t able to spend much time in Rhode Island after. I was studying for the bar and applying for jobs, but mostly, there was no point in staying if Mrs. Angelini was gone.
Since her death, I’d been reassessing what I wanted out of life, and I’d realized I truly missed home, even if Mrs. Angelini wasn’t there anymore. I longed to be near her spirit, which represented the only family I’d ever known. Something seemed to be calling me back to Rhode Island now, even if I didn’t fully understand it. I also hoped to find a position that felt more fulfilling than the junior-associate job I’d taken right out of school.
About a month ago, I’d quit, with the intention of coming back to Narragansett, even though I didn’t have anything lined up. I’d need to pass the Rhode Island bar before finding another position. The next opportunity to take it would be in six months, so this time off would be my opportunity to straighten out the situation with Mrs. Angelini’s house, as well as sort through my head. The perfect scenario would be to eventually find a job in Providence—relatively close to Narragansett—so I could live at the house and not have to rent another place. I didn’t have the heart to sell Mrs. Angelini’s property, and hoped I was never forced to for financial reasons.
“The house is still in good shape, though?” Bailey asked.
I nodded. “Her brother, Paul, and the neighbor, Hank Rogers, have been looking after it. Now that I’ll be staying there, they won’t need to do that as much anymore. Although, I might be calling them and begging for help when something inevitably breaks.”
“You know you can count on us, too. Stewart can always drive over if you’re in a bind and can’t fix something.”
“Hopefully I won’t need to bug you guys, but thank you.”
She hesitated. “Just a warning—Matt is supposedly coming home for Labor Day weekend. Stewart wanted to have a barbecue, but I don’t know how you feel about seeing him.”
I sighed. “Whatever. I’ll deal if he’s there. I haven’t seen him in ages, nor do I care to.”
I’d learned a lot of lessons in the time since graduating from law school. The first was a validation of something I’d always heard growing up: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. About a year after I moved to Pennsylvania, I’d ended up giving my ex, Matt, a second chance. He’d been coming around for a while, under the guise that we could be friends. He was actually supportive during the time when I was most heartbroken. Although, I never admitted just how messed up I was, he knew I was getting over Leo.
Once Matt earned his way back into my good graces, we started a relationship again. It seemed easier to trust him than someone totally new. After Leo, I didn’t have the mental energy to start from scratch. At the same time, I didn’t want to be alone.
But after the novelty of our reunion wore off, Matt began acting differently. I suspected he was having an affair with a co-worker, but I was never able to prove it. I broke up with him after a year or so—before I could get hurt again. Although, if I were honest with myself, regardless of my suspicions, I simply wasn’t in love with him. I tried not to think about Leo during that time, but in my heart of hearts, the feelings I’d still harbored for him made it impossible to give myself completely to Matt. Maybe someday someone would come along who could make me love enough to forget Leo, but it certainly wasn’t Matt. And there had been no one else since.
Despite that, and considering how hurt I’d been when Leo left, I thought I’d done a pretty good job of putting him out of my mind over the years. As I’d always done when faced with life’s difficulties, I threw myself into school and my failed relationship with Matt. Then when I passed the bar and got hired by the firm where I’d previously interned, I had an even bigger distraction.
Yet over the past six months, I’d started to feel lonely out in Pennsylvania. Giving my all to a meaningless job wasn’t cutting it; I needed something more fulfilling. Once I passed the bar here in Rhode Island, I wanted to get back to what I’d always said I wanted—use my degree to help kids who grew up the way I did. That was my ultimate goal.