Wayside School Beneath the Cloud of Doom (Wayside School 4)

Up and Down

“Up!” said D.J.

“Down!” replied Kathy, who sat next to him.

“Up!” D.J. repeated.

“Down!” Kathy insisted.

In truth, Kathy didn’t know what D.J. was talking about. She just liked to argue. No matter what D.J. said, she always said the opposite.

“Up!” D.J. said again.

“Down!” Kathy instantly replied.

“Shh!” said Dana, who sat behind Kathy. “I’m trying to read.”

Kathy turned around. Dana’s face was streaked with tears.

“Why are you crying?” asked Kathy.

Dana showed her the book she’d been reading. The Lost Giraffe.

“So?” asked Kathy.

“The giraffe is lost,” Dana sobbed.

“Well, what did you expect, stupid?” asked Kathy.

She didn’t like Dana any more than she liked D.J.

“Up!” said D.J.

“Down!” snapped Kathy.

“Dana, Kathy, D.J.,” said Mrs. Jewls. “You are making a lot of noise for silent reading.”

“Sorry,” said D.J. “I can’t—up!—help it. I have the—up!—hiccups.”

Kathy turned red. She had been arguing with a hiccup.

“Has this ever happened before?” Mrs. Jewls asked him.

“I’ve had the—up!—hiccups before,” said D.J., “but they—up!—always went—up!—away.”

“Stand on your head and drink a glass of water,” Myron suggested.

“Eat a lemon,” said Jenny.

“Hold your tongue while you say the Pledge of Allegiance,” said Joy.

D.J. tried their suggestions. When he finished, his mouth was puckered, his shirt was wet, and he still had the hiccups.

He felt very patriotic, however.

“I think you better go see Dr. Pickle,” said Mrs. Jewls. “Kathy will take you.”

Kathy hopped out of her seat, glad she wouldn’t have to read. “C’mon, dummy,” she said, and led D.J. out the door.