Dogs Don't Tell Jokes (Someday Angeline 2)

“Where it always is,” said Miss Langley. “In the box in the upper right-hand corner.”

Gary looked at the blackboard. There was a section blocked off which contained the day’s homework assignment.

“I’ve put the homework there every day since the first day of school,” said Miss Langley. “Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”

He didn’t tell her.

Miss Langley stared at him in disbelief. “Have your eyes ever been checked?” she asked.

“No,” said Gary. “They’ve always been brown.”

In one of his more bizarre daydreams Gary imagined himself as some kind of superhero who caught criminals by telling them jokes. The crooks would laugh so hard they’d fall down.

SUPERGOON CATCHES BANK ROBBERS! the headline proclaims. The newspaper has a picture of the two masked men laughing hysterically on the sidewalk, while Gary is standing over them, telling one joke after another.

Gary “Supergoon” Boone broke up a bank robbery at the First National Bank this afternoon. The two armed robbers were fleeing from the scene, when Goon shouted out a joke, causing the men to fall over in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Goon bravely continued to crack jokes, despite the guns pointed at his heart, until the police arrived. “I knew they wouldn’t shoot,” Goon said, “because then they would miss the punch line.”

For the safety of our readers we cannot reprint any of Goon’s jokes. They are so funny they are dangerous. Besides, Supergoon might need to use them again to catch other dangerous criminals.

Gary never cried. He laughed. The more it hurt, the more he laughed.

Like the time he accidentally bumped into Philip Korbin, making him drop his ice cream bar in the dirt.

“Sorry,” Gary said, with a silly grin plastered across his face.

“You think it’s funny, Goon?” asked Philip.

“No,” said Gary, “ha ha.”

Philip pushed him.

“I said I was sorry. Ha. Ha.”

Philip pushed him again, and he fell down. He smiled at the crowd that had gathered around.

“Pick it up!” said Philip.

Gary picked up the ice cream bar. The vanilla ice cream was covered with dirt on all sides. “Looks good, ha ha.”

“Eat it.”

Gary laughed.

“What a goon!” someone said.

“Eat it,” said Philip.

Gary licked the dirty ice cream. “Yum chocolate chips,” he said. “Ha. Ha.”

“All of it,” said Philip.

Gary brought it back to his mouth.

Philip grabbed Gary’s hair with one hand, and his elbow with the other. He shoved the ice cream bar deep into Gary’s mouth. The stick hit against the back of his throat.

Gary continued to laugh as ice cream dripped down his face.

3.