“So, Mom,” he said. “What do
you do when your nose goes on strike?”
His mother had already started out the door. “Picket,” she answered without turning around.
She’d heard it before. She’d heard them all before.
6.
Joe Reed put his hands on Gary’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. “Are you going to play seriously,” he asked, “or are you going to clown around?”
“I’ll play,” Gary promised.
“All right!” said Joe as he clapped his hands together.
Gary clapped his hands together too.
Gary liked Joe. He was popular, and a great athlete, but he still treated everyone fairly, even Goon.
Joe was the captain of Gary’s flag football team in gym class. For flag football, every player on the team wore a special belt over his gym shorts, with “flags” attached by Velcro. The flags were long plastic strips. Instead of tackling someone, you were supposed to pull one of his flags.
The team huddled around Joe.
Gary had just pretended to pledge allegiance to Joe’s flag, which was why Joe asked him if he was going to play or clown around.
Joe looked at Gary. “Can you catch?”
Gary nodded confidently.
“Good,” said Joe. “They’re not even guarding you. I’ll fake a hand-off to Brian, then—”
“I can catch colds,” said Gary.
Joe stopped and stared at him. “Can you catch a football?”
Gary tried to think of a funny answer. “With my feet?” he asked.
Joe looked away.
“With your hands, Goon!” said Brian.
“Then why is it called a football?” asked Gary. “Why isn’t it called a handball?”
Joe called the play. “All right, Brian, I’ll fake it to you, then you flair out to the left flat. Doug and Zack will crisscross over the middle.”
“What about me?” asked Gary.
“Hike the ball,” said Joe. “On two.”
“Yessir!” said Gary. He saluted his captain.
Gary bent down over the ball. On the count of two, he hiked the ball between his legs to Joe. Joe threw it to Zack, who caught it and ran in for a touchdown.
“All right!” Joe cheered. He patted Gary on the back. “Nice hike, Goon. That was good.”
“Thanks,” said Gary. “Hey, you know why they call it a pigskin?”
Joe was heading down the field.