Brenda Thompson (a.k.a. Ruby Goldmine) was very upset. So far only one person had signed up to be in the stupid talent show: Gary W. Boone.
She said a certain unmentionable word. (She definitely did not say “bird feathers.”)
Whatever happened to school spirit? she wondered. Well, if more people didn’t sign up, they’d just have to cancel the talent show, that was all there was to it.
(She said that word which was not “bird feathers” again.)
“Julie, why don’t you be in the talent show?” she asked.
“Why should I?” asked Julie Rose.
“You could win a hundred dollars.”
“Doing what?”
“It doesn’t matter. There are no judges. The audience votes on who wins.”
They both understood the significance of such a system. It didn’t matter whether Julie was talented or not. The voting, like everything else at junior high, would be a popularity contest. And Julie Rose was possibly the most popular girl in school, though she was going steady with a boy in high school.
“I don’t know,” said Julie. She blew a strand of hair off her face.
Brenda also tried convincing some of the boys to be in the talent show.
“You’re a very talented person, Joe.”
Joe Reed shrugged.
“Who all’s signed up for it?” asked Paul.
“Uh, well, there’s Gary Boone …” said Brenda, reading from the paper as if she had a whole list of names. “He’s going to tell jokes.”
“Goon!” said Matt. “I can tell funnier jokes than Goon.”
“Yeah, but you can’t tell your jokes in school,” said Ryan.
The boys laughed.
Brenda licked her lips.
“You know what we should do?” said Paul. “When Goon is up on stage, telling his stupid jokes, somebody should throw a pie in his face.”
“Let’s sneak up behind him and pull his pants down,” said Ryan Utt.
“Oh, c’mon,” said Joe. “You can’t do that.”
“Why not?” asked Matt.
“It’s not right,” said Joe. “Think about it. The stupid talent show is probably the biggest thing in his life. Goon doesn’t have any friends. All he does is tell jokes. Let him tell his jokes.”
“Aw, you’re breaking my heart,” said Matt.
“Goon’s a clown,” said Paul. “He’ll love it. We can throw a pie in his face and spray him with a seltzer bottle. I bet he’ll laugh right along with everyone else.”
“I don’t think so,” Joe said.
“I say we pants him,” said Ryan.
“Well, you’re not going to get to do anything to him,” said Brenda, “because there’s not going to be a talent show if more people don’t sign up for it.”