Dogs Don't Tell Jokes (Someday Angeline 2)

Fred stuck his finger down his throat.

Brenda sang a song called “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” The backup music played over the speaker system, while above her, different-colored lights flashed on and off.

It seemed to take forever. Gary wished it would all go quicker. He wanted it to hurry up and be his turn before he forgot everything he was going to say.

“She sounds just like the record,” Fred whispered.

Gary didn’t know. He’d never heard the song before.

“So I understand your friends say you’re the funniest kid in school?” said Miss Langley.

Matt Hughes shrugged.

Gary paid close attention.

“Matt will now tell us some of his favorite jokes.”

“Well, they’re not my favorites,” said Matt. “I can’t say my favorites.”

Several people laughed.

“All right, Matt!” shouted Joe.

Suddenly Gary had a terrible fear that somehow Matt had made up some of the same jokes he had. What if he’d thought of Rudolph?

Matt took a piece of paper from his back pocket, but it fell out of his hand onto the floor of the stage. He turned his back to the audience as he bent down to pick it up, then unfolded it and stepped up to the microphone.

“What is it that my dad never wanted, but now that he has it, he doesn’t want to lose it? A bald head. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer. We have a great watchdog. Whenever a booger—I mean burglar. I don’t know why I said ‘booger.’ ” He laughed. “I guess I have boogers on the brain!” He looked back down at his paper. “Whenever a burglar comes, he hides under the bed and watches. I’m glad my parents named me Matt, know why? Because that’s what everyone calls me.”

Gary exhaled. It’s a tough crowd tonight, he thought. True, Matt didn’t pause, and he lost the flow with all that talk about boogers, but still, those were four pretty good jokes and hardly anyone laughed.

“What’d the judge say when a skunk came to court? ‘Odor in the court.’ ”

Gary’s heart jumped a little bit. For a second he was absolutely sure Matt was going to tell some dead skunk jokes.

“If you drop a white scarf into the Red Sea, what will it become? Wet.”

Matt continued to tell his jokes. He obviously hadn’t made up any of his own—Gary had heard them all before. But that didn’t seem to ease Gary’s mind. Watching Matt tell jokes, as he himself would soon be doing, just made him feel more nervous.

Matt began another joke. “A man and woman got married and were going on their honeymoon. They were in the hotel room, and they both started taking off their clothes. The man looked at the woman and …”

Miss Langley quickly walked to the microphone. “Thank you very much, Matt,” she said. “That was very good.” She clapped her hands, and the audience joined in the applause.

“I was afraid that might have been one of his favorites,” Miss Langley explained.

More people laughed at that than at any of Matt’s jokes.

“Leslie Ann Cummings,” said Miss Langley.

Gary nearly jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Wish me luck,” said the girl with braces.

He looked back at her and said, “Break a leg.”

She smiled.

“Break both legs, tinsel teeth!” said Mrs. Snitzberry, now seated behind Gary in Leslie Ann’s seat.