Dogs Don't Tell Jokes (Someday Angeline 2)

“Whyyyy?” at least half the audience shouted back to him.

“I couldn’t wait until lunch.

“Okay, so I’m standing in the shower with no water—”

Gary stopped. He picked up his towel and wrapped it around his waist. “There, that’s better.

“Do you want to know the real reason I ate two dead skunks for breakfast?”

“Whyyyy?” almost everyone shouted.

“Because one’s just never enough. Like potato chips.

“So I’m standing in the shower with the special soap all over me, with nothing to do except wait for the water to come back on. It was miserable. I got to thinking about my rude doctor. He reminded me of that famous rude policeman. Officer Ed. You know, the one they wrote the song about.”

He looked at the audience as if surprised they didn’t know what he was talking about. “You know about Officer Ed, don’t you?

“He was always very rude to everyone. Even more rude than my doctor.

“One day a husband and wife came to a street corner where Officer Ed was directing traffic.

“ ‘Good morning, Officer Ed,’ said the husband.

“ ‘Shut up!’ said Officer Ed. ‘I suppose you want me to stop traffic now, just so you and your ugly wife can cross the street.’

“ ‘My, it’s a beautiful day,’ said the wife.

“ ‘It’s going to rain, stupid!’ said Officer Ed. ‘I’ve never met such stupid people in all my life.’

“ ‘But there’s not a cloud in the sky,’ said the woman.

“ ‘Read my lips, lady,’ said Officer Ed. ‘It’s going to rain.’

“Sure enough, before they even made it across the street, the clouds blew in and the rain poured down. The man and woman had to run under a doorway for cover.

“ ‘My goodness,’ said the woman. ‘Officer Ed is extremely rude.’

“ ‘Yes, dear,’ said her husband. ‘But he knows rain.’

“Well, it just so happened that the man and woman were songwriters, and that’s what gave them the idea for that famous song.”

Gary put his hands on his hips and looked at the audience as if surprised they didn’t know the song. “Oh, c’mon, you know that song!”

He spoke the title very slowly. “Rude … Officer … Ed … knows … rain … dear.”

Gary repeated the title, this time singing it to the tune of the well-known Christmas song. “Rude Officer Ed knows rain, dear.”

There were many groans amid the laughter.

“So, you want to know why I ate two dead skunks for breakfast?”

“Whyyyy?”

“Because the live ones squeal when you stick in the fork.”

The towel, which had been wrapped around him, suddenly fell to the floor.

The audience laughed hysterically as he quickly picked it up and wrapped it back around himself, feigning embarrassment.