Dogs Don't Tell Jokes (Someday Angeline 2)

“I found out later that the reason I had no water was because my dad was fixing something in the other bathroom.” (Pause: One … two … three.) “He was changing a light bulb.

“My dad’s great around the house. He turns off the water when he changes a light bulb, and he turns off the electricity when the toilet gets backed up. ‘Can’t be too careful,’ he says.”

Gary thought he heard his father laugh.

“He’s right too, especially when he’s the one doing the work. He recently installed an automatic garage door opener and a new toilet. Now every time you push the button to open the garage, the toilet flushes. And every day when he drives home from work, he honks his horn, and then I run to the bathroom and push the lever down on the toilet so the garage door will open.

“Well anyway, after about two hours, my dad finished changing the light bulb and the water came back on. By the time I got out of the shower, it was time for lunch. You want to know what my mother made for lunch?”

“Whaaaat?”

Gary shrugged. “A peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Why’d you want to know that?

“But I was telling you why I was wearing this hat. See, I had that special prescription soap in my hair for two hours, so …”

In one sweeping motion he took off his hat and bowed.

He was bald from his ears up.

The audience went wild.

25.

“That was … something,” said Miss Langley joining Gary at center stage. “May I feel?”

“Sure.”

The audience laughed as she ran her fingers over the top of Gary’s bald head. “Smooooth,” she said.

Gary smiled.

“So why’d you leave the hair on the sides of your head?” she asked.

“That way you couldn’t tell I shaved my head when I was wearing my hat,” he explained. “See.” He put the hat back on his head, then took it off again.

The audience applauded.

His hair formed a halo around his head.

“Clever,” said Miss Langley. “So, Gary W. Boone. What does the W stand for?”

“Wolfgang,” said Gary.

Everyone laughed again.

“Rocket!” said Fred Furst as Gary, hat on head, returned to the bench behind the curtain.

“C’mon, Goon, take your hat off,” said Brenda. “Let us see your head.”.

Gary obliged. All the other contestants gathered around. Only Joe stayed away.

Paul Wattenburg and Ryan Utt were also backstage.

“No hard feelings, huh, Goon?” said Paul.

“Are you kidding, that was great!” said Gary as Marsha Posey touched his head. “Pie in the face. Seltzer. It was classic!”

Leslie Ann Cummings looked but didn’t touch.