Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (Wayside School 3)

“My name is Mr. Gorf,” said the man who stepped out of the closet.

And, surprising as it may seem, the children weren’t afraid.

It was his voice. His voice was full of comfort and wisdom, like an old leather chair in a dusty library. It didn’t matter what he said. It felt good just to listen to him.

He was a handsome man, with neatly combed brown hair and clean fingernails. He carried a brown briefcase.

Nobody even noticed that his nose had three nostrils.

“Since I am going to be your teacher for the next few months, let me tell you a bit about myself. I was born in the Himalayan Mountains in a town called Katmandu.”

“Cat Man Do,” said Terrence. “Cool.”

Everyone laughed. They weren’t laughing at Terrence. There was just something about the name of that city and the way Terrence said it.

Terrence’s voice was like a rusty drainpipe.

“Have you ever been married?” asked Allison. Allison’s voice was like a cat walking across a piano.

“No, I’m a bachelor,” said Mr. Gorf.

Allison smiled, greatly relieved.

“Well, that’s enough about me,” said Mr. Gorf. “How about some of you telling me about yourselves?”

“My name is Mac,” said Mac, without raising his hand. Mac’s voice was like a freight train. “I built the biggest snowman you ever saw. Man, it was huge. I had to stand on a ladder to put the hat on his head. It was a stovepipe hat, like Abraham Lincoln wore, but I don’t know why they call it that. We have a microwave oven. Have you ever put a bag of marshmallows in a microwave oven? Man, it’s like—”

Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.

His right nostril flared to the right. His left nostril flared to the left. And the hole in the middle seemed to get larger.

Mac coughed. He tried to speak, but no words came out.

“Thank you, Mac,” said Mr. Gorf. “Anyone else?”

Deedee raised her hand.

“Yes, young lady,” said Mr. Gorf.

Deedee giggled. She liked the way he said “young lady.” “My name is Deedee,” she said. Her voice was small, but full of energy, like a superball. “I like soccer and Ninja Turtles. My favorite—”

Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.

Deedee lost her voice too.

“Who’s next?” asked Mr. Gorf. “Yes, the girl in the polka-dot shirt.”

“My name’s Maurecia,” said Maurecia. “I have two brothers and one sister.”

Maurecia’s voice was like a pineapple milkshake.

Mr. Gorf sucked it up through his nose.

“Hey, what’s going—,” said Todd.

Todd was silent.

“Look at his nose!” shouted Eric Bacon. “It has—”