The last book Mrs. Jewls had read was a story about a pig and spider. The pig was real cute and the spider was very wise.
Dana thought it was a horrible book. It made her laugh too much. Everyone else laughed too, but the problem was that Dana always kept laughing long after everyone else in the class had stopped. It was very embarrassing. And sometimes she broke out laughing at a part that wasn’t even funny because she remembered something funny that had happened earlier.
John called her a giggle box.
That only made her laugh harder.
Once she broke up laughing in the middle of an arithmetic test because she remembered something funny the pig had said.
“There goes the giggle box,” said John.
She hated John.
But that wasn’t the worst part of the book. In the end, the spider died.
Dana couldn’t stop crying. And she thought it was so silly, too, because in real life she didn’t even like spiders! She squashed them all the time.
John called her a leaky faucet. “Somebody better call a plumber to fix the leaky faucet,” he said.
She laughed through her tears. She hated John.
Once in music, they had learned a song about a dragon. When the song begins the dragon is very brave, but then he loses his only friend, so he isn’t brave anymore. He just goes back to his cave, where he is sad and lonely for the rest of his life.
The song always made Dana cry. Every recess John and Joe would chase after her, singing it. She’d run across the playground with her hands over her ears and tears streaming down her face.
The bell rang. Lunch was over. Dana nervously walked up the stairs to Mrs. Jewls’s room. Mrs. Jewls would start a new book today. She hoped it wouldn’t be
funny or sad. She hoped Mrs. Jewls would read a boring story with no jokes.
When she got to class, John and Joe were standing by her desk waiting for her.
“Happy Birthday, Dana,” said John. He was holding a present. It was wrapped in green paper and had a pink bow.
“But it’s not my birthday,” said Dana.
“Well, that’s okay,” said John. “You can have it anyway. Since I’m always teasing you.” He and Joe snickered.
Dana eagerly tore off the wrapping paper. Maybe John wasn’t so bad after all, she thought.
It was a box of tissues.
John and Joe laughed hysterically.
“That’s not funny!” said Dana. She raised her fist and started to chase after them.
Mrs. Jewls rang her cowbell, and all the children settled quietly in their seats.
“We are ready to begin a new story,” said Mrs. Jewls. She held up the book. “It’s called ‘Stinky.’”
Dana laughed at the title, then quickly covered her mouth.
“It’s about a cute and playful skunk,” said Mrs. Jewls.
“Oh, no!” gasped Dana. She knew animal stories always made her cry. The animal’s mother would get shot by human hunters. Or else humans would build a shopping center and destroy the animal’s home.
She hated humans. But she knew that was silly, because she was a human, and so were all her friends. The only human she really hated was John, and she didn’t think he was even human!
Mrs. Jewls read: