1
If I Can Do it, So Can You
If you’re reading this book, chances are you’ve been convicted of a crime and have been sentenced to the Camp Green Lake Juvenile Correctional Facility or someplace similar. Maybe you’re innocent – more likely not.
You’re probably scared. If you’re not scared, you’re in big trouble. Fear keeps you alert. But don’t give in to your fear. You can’t let it cloud your mind. You don’t want to be so overcome with fear that you can’t think straight.
You probably feel all alone. You are. There are six counselors and thirty-four other campers at Green Lake, but you are still alone. Nobody cares about you. Nobody is interested in making your life better.
Don’t go looking for friends. You have to let friendships develop very slowly. You don’t know who the other campers are or what crimes they committed.
The guards, or counselors, as they like to be called, are not there to protect you. They are there to see that the routine is not disturbed. If another camper punches you in the face and breaks your nose, you will get in trouble for having a broken nose.
Don’t get me wrong. Most of the other boys are not bad guys. In most cases, they just made some bad choices. Maybe they just hung out with the wrong crowd and ended up in a no-win situation. You don’t know, and you don’t ask. If you’re going to survive Camp Green Lake, one of the first things you have to learn is not to ask too many questions.
From here on in, you cannot afford to make any more bad choices. You can’t even let anyone else tell you what your choices are. You have to figure that out for yourself.
Look, I’m not a tough guy. In fact, I’m probably the last guy in the world you’d expect to be able to survive Camp Green Lake. My name is Stanley Yelnats. Before I was sent to Camp Green Lake, you might say I was a total loser. (Everyone else said it, why not you?) At school, kids half my size used to pick on me. I had no friends. I was overweight. Everything in life seemed to conspire against me.
If you want, you can read about what happened to me in a book called Holes. But this is not about me anymore. It’s about you now. And I don’t care how mean and tough you are, remember this: There’s always somebody meaner and tougher than you are. And one of these days, you’re going to find him.
Even more dangerous than the mean, tough guys are the ones who are crazy. You never know what’s going to set them off or what they’re liable to do. There was a kid in C tent who ripped apart a mattress because somebody put his hat on the bed.
It’s not about being tough. It’s about being smart. It’s about staying alert. If I can do it, so can you.
2
How the System Works
Camp Green Lake is located in a giant dried-up lake bed deep in the heart of Texas. When I was there, it hadn’t rained for over a hundred years. It rained the day I was released, but it is still very hot and very dry.
The camp closed shortly after I left, and I thought that was the end of it. But then Holes was published, and lots of law enforcement officials and politicians read it. They all thought, “Wow, what a great idea!” And they reopened Camp Green Lake. That is why I decided to write this survival guide.
When I was at Camp Green Lake, it was only for boys. Now there is a sister camp about a hundred miles away exclusively for girls. While I can only tell you about Camp Green Lake, I hope my lessons and survival tips will help you at whichever institution you are attending.
The Warden is still the boss of Camp Green Lake. She owns all the land. She speaks in a gentle voice, but don’t be fooled. She’s as mean as a rattlesnake. She comes from what was once a very prominent and wealthy family. The family fortune was wiped out during the hundred-year drought, but she still has a few connections in the state legislature in Austin. She used those connections to establish the Camp Green Lake Juvenile Correctional Facility. Its mission was to turn bad boys into good boys through hard work and discipline. The State pays her to run the facility.
The idea was this: Digging holes builds character. But here’s the first thing you need to understand. The Warden doesn’t care about your character. It’s just about digging holes. She’s obsessed. Every day, you will dig a hole five feet deep and five feet in diameter. As long as you dig your hole, the Warden will leave you alone.
Mr. Sir is the head counselor. He seems like he belongs in prison, instead of being in charge of one. Mr. Pendanski is the counselor of D tent, where I stayed. He will try to be your friend. He’s not. In many ways, he’s worse than Mr. Sir. At least Mr. Sir doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not. Mr. Sir acts tough, and Mr. Pendanski pretends to be understanding, but really they both have the same objective: to keep everyone in line; to keep everyone digging their holes.
You will be fed three meals a day, because you need energy to dig holes. Water will be brought out to the holes every two hours. Why? So you can keep digging. You are given time off for relaxation so your body will have the strength to dig another hole.
Don’t expect too much in the way of food or water, or entertainment. Remember that any money the Warden doesn’t have to spend on you, she gets to keep for herself.
3
Don’t Complain
What’s the matter? It’s too hot? You’re tired of digging? Your muscles ache? Your hands have blisters? Your feet have blisters? Your blisters have blisters? The shovels are too long? The showers are too short? Your cot is hard and lumpy? The food is hard and lumpy?
Well, guess what? Everyone else has been there longer than you have. They were sleeping on their hard, lumpy cots, getting up at four-thirty in the morning, and digging five-foot holes under a blazing sun while you were lying on a couch, watching cartoons, and eating Froot Loops. No one wants to hear your complaints. No one likes a whiner.
After a while your hands will harden. Your muscles will harden. Your head will harden. Your soul will harden.
Everyone suffers equally. You’re all in this together. Race, skin color, the grades you got at school, whether you were one of the popular kids; none of that matters. You will earn the respect of the others by doing your job without grumbling. No it’s-not-fair’s. No I-don’t-belong-here’s. But don’t go overboard the other way, either. You don’t want to wake up every morning singing “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.”
Survival Test One
You have finished digging your hole and are returning to the camp compound when you hear a rattling noise. You look down to see a large snake coiled in front of you. Its forked tongue darts in and out between two large fangs as its cold eyes stare at you. You should:
A: Say, “It isn’t fair. This question comes after section three, and the part on rattlesnakes isn’t until section ten.”
B: Carefully study the snake, making note of its markings and the shape of its head. Measure its width and length. This is important because when you report it to the proper autho
rities, you will know what you are talking about and won’t sound like a blubbering idiot.
C: Hit it with your shovel, or, better yet, put down your shovel and fight it bare-handed. After all, you’re the meanest and toughest kid at Camp Green Lake, and no overgrown worm is going to disrespect you!
D: Pretend it isn’t there and just keep walking as you whistle “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.”
E: Try to make friends with the snake, and explain in a soothing voice that you have no intention of harming it. Gently pat its head as you tell it that even though you are a criminal, you have a good heart.
answer to test one