Stanley Yelnats' Survival Guide to Camp Green Lake (Holes 1.50)

They didn’t have to worry. Armpit didn’t get any more ideas. At least, none that he told us.

The suggestion box isn’t about making your life better. It’s about making the Warden’s life better. Thanks to Armpit’s suggestion, the Warden was able to save water.

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Scorpions

I should warn you. My knowledge of scorpions and the other wildlife at Camp Green Lake is based on my personal observations and is not scientific. I came across two types of scorpions at Camp Green Lake: big ones and little ones. Actually, they came across me.

Habitat: Scorpions live in shoes, hats, sheets, pillows, and piles of old clothes. It makes you wonder how they survived before people came along. Always check each article of clothing before getting dressed, whether in the tent or after you shower. Always check your bed and pillow before lying down.

How to recognize a scorpion: They are really ugly. The good thing about scorpions is that they are so ugly, you can’t help jumping back when you see one. But don’t scream. It’s never a good idea to scream at Camp Green Lake.

The big ones are about four inches long, an inch wide, and a quarter of an inch thick. The little ones are about an inch and a half long, and the rest of their measurements are proportional to that.

Scorpions have two claws, six very skinny legs, and a segmented tail. They have no face, so it is difficult to tell one scorpion from another.

The legs: Scorpion legs are extremely skinny legs and are capable of very quick movement, but you don’t have to worry about being chased by a scorpion. They would be very fast runners, but fortunately they’re not smart enough to get their legs to work together. It’s like each leg doesn’t know what the other legs are doing. The legs go in different directions at different speeds, so mostly they just move around in uneven loops.

The danger is that one might randomly wander across your face while you are sleeping. Since they don’t have faces themselves, they don’t know what one is, and it scares them. Like all living creatures, including humans, scorpions are most dangerous when they are frightened.

The claws: Their claws look like tiny crab claws. Getting pinched by a scorpion claw is no worse than, say, getting pinched by someone at school because you didn’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day, except when you get pinched by someone at school, you don’t expect him to suddenly swing his butt around and inject you with poison.

The tail: The tail is the most dangerous part of the scorpion. It is divided into six segments, with a stinger at the very tip. You might think you’re safe if you stay in front of a scorpion, but before you know it, it can whip its tail around to the front. This rapid movement is possible because it has no face to get in the way. When picking up a scorpion, you should grab it by its tail, holding on to the segment right next to the stinger.

What to do if you are stung by a scorpion: Usually the worst thing about a scorpion sting is just how bad it hurts. The pain is excruciating. It feels like your skin is being ripped off your bones. The pain will slowly spread to your joints and muscles. That was how Armpit got his name. He got stung on the arm and later went on and on about how much his armpit hurt.

Sometimes a scorpion sting can result in sickness and a high fever. Barf Bag lost his breakfast after he got bitten on the finger, but that might have had more to do with the breakfast than with the scorpion.

There was a kid in E tent who lost all feeling in his face for three hours after getting stung on the neck. He had trouble breathing. That was the only time anyone came close to dying at Camp Green Lake from a scorpion sting.

The best thing you can do is wash the area with soap and water so it doesn’t get infected and wait for the pain to go away. You will have a very red, and very sore, welt for a week or two.

Survival Test Two

It is an oppressively hot day. (What else is new?) You’ve been digging your hole for several hours. You reach down and pick up your canteen, then notice a dark spot on the ground. To your horror, you realize there’s a tiny hole in the bottom of your canteen. Only half your water is left. You should:

A: Get mad and smash your canteen with your shovel, causing more and bigger leaks.

B: Quickly guzzle the remaining water in your canteen.

C: Be thankful for what you have. Your canteen is not half empty. It is half full.

D: Turn your canteen upside down, so that the small hole is on top. Whenever you want a drink, you won’t unscrew the lid, but simply drink out of the hole. The only time you will ever unscrew the lid is when filling the canteen, during which time you will keep your finger over the hole.

E: Ask your counselor for a new canteen.

answer to test two

E is incorrect. If you ask your counselor for a new canteen, he will tell you it’s just a small leak. Be thankful for what you have. Your canteen is not half empty. It is half full. He will suggest that you turn your canteen upside down, so that you keep the leak on top.

D is incorrect. Dirt will get into your canteen, and some water will leak out despite your best efforts. You don’t want to spend the next eighteen months drinking dirty water out of a leaky canteen.

C is incorrect. While it is important to have a positive attitude, you also need water.

The correct answer is B, then A. First guzzle the remaining water, then smash up your canteen. The Warden knows you cannot dig your holes without water. You will be given a new canteen.

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