Armpit didn’t tell any of that to his own parents. He felt like he was under attack the second he walked in the door, and so didn’t tell them anything except his name, rank, and serial number.
He didn’t have to work Sundays and would have slept late, but shortly after nine someone turned on his bedroom light. He shielded his eyes as X-Ray smiled down on him.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was a little bit hoarse from the night before.
“Your mom let me in. Said it served you right for staying out so late.”
When he and X-Ray were at Camp Green Lake together, they were forced to get up every morning at four-thirty. X-Ray always said that he’d sleep until noon every day once he was released, but his internal clock was permanently out of whack. It had been more than two years since his release, and he still couldn’t stay in bed past six-thirty.
“So I guess you got to see the concert,” X-Ray said. “If you were out so late?”
The last bit of sleep slowly cleared from Armpit’s brain, and the memory of the night before came back to him. “I’m going to kill you,” he told X-Ray.
“Maybe your seats weren’t quite as good, but at least you got to see the show, right? No harm, no foul. Right?”
Armpit sat up and placed one foot on the floor. “First I’m going to put my pants on, and then I’m going to kill you.”
The pants he’d worn the night before were on the floor of his room. “That’s one leg,” he said as he stepped into it.
“Wait, now just hold on a second. I got something here that just might cool your jets.” X-Ray reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of money. “Two hundred and ninety-eight dollars!”
“My pants are on,” Armpit said, then slowly moved toward X-Ray, backing him against the wall.
“Look, I had to make a business decision,” X-Ray said. “You weren’t there, so I had to do what I thought was right.”
Armpit grabbed him by the collar. “What you thought was right? You thought you were doing the right thing?”
“Look, what was I supposed to do? You kept calling me back, changing your mind. Sell the tickets. No, don’t sell the tickets, I’m taking Tatiana. No, I’m not taking Tatiana. Sell ’em. No, don’t sell ’em, I’m taking Ginny.”
“And that’s the last thing I said,” said Armpit, shaking X-Ray on each word: “Don’t . . . sell . . . the . . . tickets!”
“And I heard you,” said X-Ray. “I heard you. But I already agreed to meet the dude at the H-E-B. That’s the least I can do is still meet him, right? I can’t disrespect him. So I get there, and I’m waiting in the parking lot, and I’m thinking, if only there was some way you and Ginny could go to the concert, and I could sell the tickets. And then suddenly, right in front of me is a big sign: All Your Copying Needs. I’m telling you, it was like a sign from God! I mean, how many times have I been to the H-E-B without noticing there was a Copy King right there? Did you know it was there?”
“God musta put it there just for you,” said Armpit.
“So I go inside, but just to look around. Just
to see what’s possible, if you know what I’m saying. They had all different kinds of paper, and so I hold a ticket against the paper, comparing, you know, trying to find the right thickness. And then I made some copies—but just to see how they’d look, I swear! I wasn’t planning to do anything with them.
“Then I got back outside, and the guy shows up, and I told him the tickets were no longer for sale. I did. I told him that. But he says he’s desperate. He offers me two hundred and fifty apiece. Sorry, I promised them to a friend. Three hundred? I mean, what am I supposed to do? I mean now we’re talking a total of six hundred!”
Armpit glared at him.
“You weren’t there. I had to make a decision. Look, I thought you’d figure out what to do when you saw people in your seats.”
“We got there first,” said Armpit.
“That’s impossible! I waited before coming to your house.”
“So you just came over, handed me the tickets, without even a warning.”
“I warned you. I told you to be flexible.”
“Oh, I was flexible, all right. I had both arms stretched behind my back!”
“I was afraid you’d blow it,” said X-Ray. “You’re not a very good liar. You look all guilty and nervous and I was afraid you’d never make it past the ticket taker. But if you didn’t know, you’d just waltz right in. I didn’t want to disappoint Ginny.”
Armpit grabbed him by the neck and lifted him off the floor.