The words hit Jack hard. Ed wasn’t holding himself from coming out simply because he was afraid. There were frightening implications for people discovering his sexuality. His whole family relied on him.
A lump formed in Jack’s throat, and he blinked back the heat building in his eyes. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m a selfish ass.”
Ed brushed his thumb just under Jack’s eye, looking frustrated and sorry and hurt.
Air shifted over them and they looked up as Gene, Emily, and Becky came barging inside.
Ed immediately dropped his hand.
Gene and Emily called out a greeting, stopping at the stairs. The way they flashed each other a secret smile had Jack’s stomach rioting.
They knew. Ed might not know it, but Jack had seen that smile tens of times before. Ed’s parents knew exactly who Jack was to their son.
Jack jumped up. “I was just going home.”
Ed stood too, keeping a good foot of space between them.
“Don’t leave on our account,” Gene said, and gestured Becky to take a suitcase down the hall.
Jack gave a nervous laugh and twisted to Ed. He waited for any sign that Ed might want him to stay longer. That he might want to finish this discussion.
When no sign came, Jack drew away, wondering if he’d fucked things up between them for good. If Ed had noticed his parents’ shared look and if that made him angry at Jack for turning up so late. If Ed thought Jack was no better than his last boyfriend, manipulating him to come out when he wasn’t ready.
His voice came out high. Too bouncy. “Got an early start tomorrow. Thanks for the tips on what motorcycle to buy!” He hurriedly turned his back on Ed and his parents and hoofed it out the door.
* * *
Jack dug through his drawers. He needed to run. There was so much ache to burn through. So much he didn’t want to think about. Like why Ed hadn’t contacted him since their argument last night.
His whole first lecture he’d stared at his damn phone, waiting for it to buzz. He’d even sucked up whatever ounce of maturity he had and sent Ed a message, apologizing again.
“What’s going on?” Marcus grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. Eyes met. Arms crossed. “You’re in a foul mood.”
Jack unzipped his jeans and shoved them off. “Hence the run,” he said as he slipped on his shorts.
Marcus scowled. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”
Jack met his eyes for two heartbeats before he looked toward the square patches of sunlight on the carpet and the edge of Marcus’s green bedspread. “I fucked up.”
“With Ed?” Marcus peeled off his clothes and dressed for a jog.
Jack perched on the edge of the bed and laced his sneakers. He almost jumped when Marcus stood in front of him, putting both hands on his shoulders. His fingers were cold and bit through the cotton of his T-shirt. “We’re not finished with this convo.” He pulled him to the floor so they could stretch. “What route do we want to take, and don’t say—”
“To the river and back by way of Granville.”
“—Granville.” Marcus shook his head and sighed. “A-fucking-gain? Why?”
“I….” Need to get my mind off Ed, and Marcus, and the bet. “I need to burn off some energy.” A lot of energy.
After warming up, Jack steeled himself for Marcus’s interrogation. Now that Jack let out he’d fucked up, Marcus wouldn’t give up until he spilled.
Jack outran the wind. Twice Marcus told him to slow down, which he reluctantly did. But he needed this good, hard run. Needed to channel some inner calm to settle down.
After Marcus’s second warning, they settled into a steady, ground-eating pace.
“So spill,” Marcus said, voice almost drowned out by the traffic. “You said you fucked up.”
“I have.”
“With Ed?”
“And you.”
They split up to avoid a mother pushing a stroller. Marcus veered behind a park bench before returning to the path. Jack slowed his stride just enough to let Marcus catch up.
“Me?” Marcus said.
“I lied to you about having this bet in the bag. I don’t.”
Marcus didn’t respond immediately, leaving only the sound of their feet slapping against concrete. Jack grunted and sprinted for the stop sign at the end of the block.
Marcus met his gaze for a second. “I don’t understand. I’ve met Ed. He seemed more than sweet on you.”
“He’s not out.”
Marcus stopped running, pulling at Jack’s arm to stop too. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he’s not going to be my date to a formal where people might recognize him.”
“But… wait. Is that why you didn’t want me mentioning the formal with him when we met?”
Jack couldn’t meet his eye. “Yes.”
A fist slapped his chest, and Jack rocked back on his heel. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend.”
“I didn’t want to let you down.”