Was he ashamed of her? No. He’d broken enough rules in his own life to ever be described as a conformist and he didn’t care that his skinny housekeeper was sporting a pair of unflattering jeans rather than a sleek cocktail dress like the few other women in the bar. And besides, hadn’t he just discovered something about himself which would shock those onlookers in the bar and fill them with horror and maybe even a little pleasure at hearing about someone else’s misfortune, if they knew the truth about him? The Germans even had a phrase for that, didn’t they? Schadenfreude. That was it.
He needed to get away from these blood-red walls, which felt as if they were closing in on him, so he could try to make sense of what she’d told him. As if giving himself some time and space would lessen the anger and growing dread which were making his heart feel as heavy as lead.
‘We can’t talk here,’ he ground out, rising to his feet. ‘Come with me.’
She nodded obediently. Well, of course she would be obedient. Hadn’t that been her role ever since she’d entered his life? To carry out his wishes and be financially recompensed for doing that—not to end up in his bed while he gave into an unstoppable passion which had seemed to come out of nowhere.
‘Where are we going?’ she questioned, once they’d exited the bar and were heading back down a dimly lit corridor towards the foyer.
‘I have a room here in the hotel.’
‘Lucas—’
‘You can wipe that outraged look from your face,’ he said roughly as he slowed down in front of the elevator. ‘My mind is on far more practical things than sex, if that’s what you’re thinking.’
‘Would you mind keeping your voice down?’ she hissed.
‘Isn’t it a little late in the day for prudery, Tara?’
‘I’m not being a prude,’ she said, in a low voice. ‘I just don’t want every guest in this hotel knowing my business.’
He didn’t trust himself to answer as he ushered her into the private elevator and hit the button for his suite. In tense and claustrophobic silence they rode to the top, his thoughts still spinning as he tried to come to grips with what she’d told him. But how could he possibly do that, when he’d meant what he said? He’d never wanted to be a father. Never. His experience of that particular relationship had veered from non-existent to violent—and he’d never had a loving mother to bail him out. At least now he knew the reason why, but that didn’t make things any better, did it? In many ways it actually made them worse.
‘In here,’ he said tersely as the doors slid noiselessly open and they stepped into the penthouse suite of the Meadow Hotel, which was reputed to command one of the finest views of the Manhattan skyline. It was growing dark outside and already lights were twinkling like diamonds in the pale indigo sky. Most people would have automatically breathed their admiration on seeing such an unparalleled view of the city. But not Tara. She barely seemed to notice anything as she stood in the centre of the room and fixed those strange amber eyes on him.
‘I came because I felt you had a right to know,’ she began, as if she had prepared the words earlier.
‘So you said in the bar.’
‘And because I felt it better to tell you face to face,’ she rushed on.
‘But you didn’t think to give me any warning?’
‘How could I have done that without telling you what it was about?’ She was quiet for a moment. ‘I wanted to see your face when I told you.’
‘And did my reaction disappoint you?’
‘I’m a realist, Lucas. It was pretty much what I thought it would be.’ She sucked in a deep breath. ‘But I want you to know that this has nothing to do with any expectations on my part. I’m just giving you the facts, that’s all. It’s up to you what you do with them.’
Lucas flinched, suddenly aware of his heart’s powerful reaction as he acknowledged he was to be a father. But it clenched in pain, not in joy. ‘Brandy,’ he said harshly. ‘I’ll order strong tea for you, but I think I need brandy.’
Her reaction was not what he’d been expecting. He’d thought she might be slightly pacified by him remembering the way she liked her tea—but instead she turned on him with unfamiliar fury distorting her face. ‘Can’t you leave your girlfriend out of it for a minute?’ she flared. ‘Can’t we at least have this discussion in private without you talking to her?’
‘Excuse me?’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘I’m afraid you’ve lost me, Tara. I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.’
‘You were meeting someone called Brandy when I called you from the airport!’ she accused.
It might have been funny if it hadn’t been so serious but Lucas was in no mood for laughing. ‘That’s the name of the house agent, not my girlfriend,’ he gritted out, but her chance remark put him even more on his guard. Was she already showing signs of sexual jealousy? Already planning some kind of mutual future which would be a disaster for them both, despite her fiery words to the contrary? Well, the sooner he disabused her of that idea, the better. ‘The drinks can wait. Why don’t you take a seat over there, Tara?’
Tara didn’t want to take a seat. She wanted to be back at home in her iron-framed bed in Dublin, where she could see the sweep of the Irish sea in its ever-changing guises. Except that it wasn’t her home, she reminded herself painfully—it was Lucas’s. She bit her lip. But it was the closest she’d ever come to finding a place where she felt safe and settled—far away from all the demons of the past. ‘I’d prefer to stand, if it’s all right by you,
’ she said stiffly. ‘I’ve been sitting on a long flight for hours and I need to stretch my legs.’
He nodded but she couldn’t miss the faint trace of frustration which briefly hardened his eyes. Was he finding it difficult to cope with the fact that, since she was no longer technically his employee, he could no longer order her around as he wanted?
‘As you wish,’ he said. His drink seemingly forgotten, he stared at her. ‘So where do we go from here?’
She wished he would show more of the emotion she’d seen in the bar a little while ago. It might have been mostly anger and negativity but at least it was some kind of feeling—not this icy and remote person who seemed nothing like the Lucas Conway she knew.