“Right. The fantasy. Well, this is no criticism of you, Cassie, because you’re a great teacher. But I’m a lousy student. So I don’t think I was able to learn enough to successfully graduate to full-fledged fantasy man.”
“No?”
“No. So you’re going to have to bench me, unless I can get some more training. Maybe there’s some special tutorial session for dummies. Do you guys do that here?”
“I could ask,” I said, realizing his joke.
“ ’Cause I’m really no one’s idea of a fantasy man.”
“Well … you are mine.”
He kissed me for that, once, twice.
“So what happens to us S.E.C.R.E.T. rejects? Do you have to kill me or something?”
“Yes, unfortunately.”
“Can we at least have sex one last time?”
“Yeah, but not here,” I said, looking around. “It’s beautiful, this place, but I want you to take me home.”
Before I could finish my sentence, he flung my dress at me and gathered up his pants. We dressed faster than a couple of firemen called to a five-alarm emergency. He extended his hand and in one swift move threw me over his shoulder, and I kicked and laughed as he carried me down the hallway and out the front door of the Mansion.
It was the last time I’d set foot in that place for several months. And even then, I wouldn’t be alone. We’d both return, for a different kind of fantasy altogether.
The truth came out that night in bits and pieces, between sex and kisses, between bites of pizza and a bottle and a half of wine we took from the restaurant and drank while sitting on my kitchen floor, where we had sex one more time before the sun came up. We both knew we’d be wrecked the next day, but two of us hobbled by hangovers had to add up to at least one stellar restaurateur.
He came out with it first.
“It’s been awful not having you in my life, Cassie. And by life I mean my heart, my side, my bed. So I had secretly hoped this would happen. That’s the real reason I volunteered with S.E.C.R.E.T. I meant everything I said before about the good I think the organization does. I was wrong before. But I hoped I’d either make you jealous if we didn’t get paired up, or make you crazy for missing me if we did.”
“So you were never going to go through with the fantasy?”
“Well, let’s put it this way: I wouldn’t have gone through the training with anyone else, and I knew I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else if the training was going to be with you.”
“Mission accomplished,” I said, leaning on his shoulder. “I was surprised you volunteered with S.E.C.R.E.T. I thought the whole thing disgusted you. I thought I disgusted you.”
“You’ve never disgusted me. The truth is more embarrassing than that. I felt … threatened. I was an idiot.”
Will threw his arm around me and pulled me closer. My hand slid down his warm, familiar stomach, then farther down, and I softly cupped my hand over him, making him erect again.
“I thought you were dating up a storm. I thought you were happy. And then when I discovered your … I don’t want to call it a ‘secret life’ … my first thought was not What a slut, but I can’t compete. I couldn’t take being dumped again for a better guy, for someone more … I don’t know … powerful, I guess. You saw Carruthers. His watch is the size of a fucking six-pack. You saw the car he drove, the job he has. Guys pay attention to that shit—the things we aren’t, the stuff we don’t have. I may not have been madly in love with Tracina, but I was geared up to be her partner and a parent and a provider, and when I was thrown over for Mr. Fucking Big, it hurt. I mean, you know me. I struggle. Then your boyfriend with the great left hook shows up and does what I should have done to fucking Castille. He stepped up when I should have.” He paused. “By the way, are you still seeing him? That Jesse guy?”
Dixie came over and nestled between us like a fur island.
“No. We’re just friends. We’ve really always been just friends.”
“You’re not in love with him?”
“Never was. And he’s not in love with me. He loves someone else. And so do I,” I said, beginning my aching assault on his body.
The thing about Will was that he had no idea how sexy he was, which is precisely what made him so sexy, even when he struggled. Especially when he struggled. On the floor of my kitchen, we unspooled our legs from the sheets we’d dragged there, moving the cat over in a loving but firm way. Will laid me down on that floor at dawn and entered me again while kissing me, saying my name over and over, holding my face between his hands, while I clutched his gorgeous ass and pressed my knees back, opening myself to him, inviting him all the way inside.
While he thrust into me, reintroducing himself to my body, it felt like we’d never been away from each other. I shifted my hips and reached back to press the cupboard doors so I could arch for him. He felt so right, so perfect inside me, our bodies formed just for this.
“How’s this for a fantasy,” he whispered. “Sex with me on your kitchen floor.”
“This is the only fantasy I’ve ever really wanted. The only one I ever hoped would come true.”