The Silent Widow

‘I don’t believe it. I know it,’ Carter insisted. ‘And I know who they are but I can’t tell you because it would be dangerous for you to know. And dangerous for me if anyone were to find out I’d told you.’ He was speaking at a hundred miles an hour, the words tumbling out in a bizarre, paranoid stream-of-consciousness. ‘They shot me in the leg, but they could have killed me. Right? But they didn’t. So that means they’re sending a warning. They don’t want me dead, they want me quiet.’

‘OK,’ said Nikki.

‘But it’s not OK, because I need to talk about it, Doc! I need to tell someone what happened! I was there. I saw it. I saw them kill her. They made me watch, like it was some kind of show. Oh God!’ Slumping forwards onto his knees, Carter broke down in terrible, wracking sobs.

Nikki moved to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around his shaking shoulders. This was important. Very important. It could be the breakthrough she’d been waiting for.

‘What did they make you watch, Carter?’

He shook his head violently. ‘I can’t!’

‘Yes, you can,’ said Nikki. ‘Close your eyes.’

He did as she asked.

‘Now breathe deeply. And now imagine yourself there. What do you see?’

‘I see trees.’ His voice took on a trance-like quality. ‘I see a clearing in the trees. It’s nighttime. It’s dark but there’s moonlight. It’s hot.’

‘Good, Carter. Very good. What else?’

‘I see the girl. She’s in the clearing.’

‘OK. What does she look like?’ asked Nikki. Guiding clients through these sorts of retrieved memories was notoriously tricky, like walking a tightrope. Not enough prompting and the images could slip away, back into the deep unconscious mind. Too much and the client could become frightened and oppositional. Once the flow was broken it was damn near impossible to get it back.

‘She’s naked,’ said Carter. He frowned. ‘No, not naked. She has panties on. She’s standing there, sort of swaying. And then …’

He stopped, and winced, like a dog running into an invisible electric fence.

‘And then?’ Nikki repeated softly.

Carter’s breath quickened and his hands began worrying at his pant legs. He let out a sharp, frightened cry, like a yelp.

Nikki waited.

‘I hear the guns,’ he said. ‘Like a drum beat. Pop pop pop pop pop! Machine guns. I don’t see them. But I see her, the girl. Jerking. Jumping. It’s awful! The blood, it’s …’ He gasped for breath, clawing wildly at his own legs. ‘Bits of her are coming off! Oh God! I think she’s dead, but she’s still moving …’

He started to sob again. Nikki realized she probably only had seconds left.

‘Do you know the girl, Carter?’

He nodded.

‘What’s her name?’

Opening his eyes with a jerk, he looked directly at Nikki. ‘He made me watch. He made me! He was laughing. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere. The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. He’s an animal.’

‘What was the girl’s name, Carter?’ Nikki asked. But she already knew she’d lost him.

‘If I told you that, Doc, he’d kill you too.’

‘And who’s “he”?’

Carter smiled then, a weary smile, but sincere. He got to his feet.

‘I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Dr Roberts. Especially today. I needed to get that out. To say it out loud.’

‘I’m glad you did, Carter,’ said Nikki. ‘Maybe next time we can—’