The Silent Widow

‘Oh, baloney.’ Gretchen said robustly. ‘You’re still young, you’re gorgeous. Look at you! You’ll meet someone. Someone you are remotely attracted to. Although I have to say, from where I’m sitting, Haddon’s not bad. I mean, compared to Adam.’

‘Give me a break,’ said Nikki. ‘You worship Adam.’

Adam Adler, Gretchen’s husband, was a highly successful television producer, amazing father and husband and all round good guy. It was true he wasn’t exactly Johnny Depp. But he was funny and generous and he and Gretchen adored each other. Gretchen would no more have traded Adam in for a new model than flown to the moon. Back before the accident, before she knew about Lenka, Nikki had thought of herself and Doug in the same light. The two couples used to go on vacations together. Christ, it all seemed so long ago now.

‘I have been attracted to other people,’ Nikki confided in Gretchen. ‘It’s not that. It’s more that …’

‘Whoa, whoa whoa. Back up,’ said Gretchen. ‘Attracted to other people? Like who?’

Nikki waved a hand dismissively. ‘No one important. Nothing’s happened.’

‘Who?!’ Gretchen repeated.

An embarrassed smile spread over Nikki’s face. ‘There’s a guy. His name’s Lou Goodman. He’s actually one of the detectives investigating these murders.’

Gretchen clapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing. ‘You’re hot for the detective?! Oh my God. Nikki!’

Nikki laughed herself. It was such a relief to talk to Gretchen about this stuff. Somehow her old friend’s presence made everything seem more normal. More OK.

‘Hold on, didn’t you tell me he thought you were a possible suspect? In Lisa Flannagan’s murder?’ Gretchen remembered.

‘That’s the other one. His partner. Johnson,’ said Nikki. ‘No one in their right mind would be attracted to him, believe me.’

‘So this Lou guy. You really like him?’

‘Not really. I mean, yes, sometimes. He’s smart. He’s good-looking. But nothing’s going to happen. We got drunk one night, talking about the case, and I almost … I thought about it.’

‘Is he married?’

‘Of course not,’ said Nikki, suddenly serious. ‘I wouldn’t do that. Not after what Doug did to me.’

Instantly, the atmosphere changed. Nikki’s mood darkened and her face fell, as it always did when she thought about Doug’s affair. Gretchen had learned not to say anything at these moments, to lay low and let the storm pass. It always did, in the end. She and Adam were two of the very few people who Nikki had confided in about Doug’s secret girlfriend, and the horrendous trauma of learning about it the way she did, the day that he died. They had both seen a profound change in Nikki since then, not just grief but a barely suppressed rage that hadn’t existed in her before. Or at least, Gretchen didn’t remember it.

As if sensing Gretchen’s worry, Nikki suddenly said, ‘I think there might be something wrong with me.’

‘Why? Because you found someone attractive?’

‘No. Not that.’

‘There isn’t anything wrong with you, Nik,’ Gretchen said kindly.

‘My emotions are all over the place.’

‘That’s called grief.’

‘I know, but it’s been a year,’ said Nikki.

‘A year? That’s nothing,’ insisted Gretchen. ‘And then these terrible murders on top of everything? My God. Anyone else would be in an asylum by now.’

‘Yeah, well. Maybe I should be in an asylum,’ said Nikki glumly. ‘I’ve been having feelings for one of my patients as well. A woman.’

She looked across at Gretchen, apparently determined to win her disapproval for something. Instead, her old friend simply looked intrigued.

‘Really? Tell me more.’

‘She’s young. Very young,’ said Nikki. ‘And separated from her husband. And if that weren’t complicated enough, Derek Williams, the private investigator I’ve hired, thinks her husband may have some connection to these murders, or at least to Trey …’

‘Have you ever … you know … before? With a woman?’ asked Gretchen, cutting her off. Evidently she was a lot more interested in Nikki’s love life than any new developments in the case.