The Silent Widow

‘The thing is,’ she said sadly, ‘what this doesn’t tell me is why Doug did it. Let’s say you’re right about Lenka’s motivations, and Rodriguez’s. And maybe you are, because it all fits. It still doesn’t answer the biggest question of all, at least for me. Which is, why would my husband cheat on me with this person? This stranger. One minute we were happy – really happy – and the next, it was all gone. Why did that happen?’

Mick Johnson looked at her with genuine pity.

‘I don’t know, sweetheart. Maybe she fed him a sob story. Maybe she confessed she’d gotten mixed up with the cartels and Rodriguez and she was trying to break free? From what I heard, your husband was big on helping people in trouble. Second chances and all that?’

‘He got her pregnant!’ Nikki’s eyes welled with tears.

‘So maybe that was part of it too?’ offered Johnson. ‘He was trying to help her, they got close, he made a mistake and slept with her – and remember, all this time she’s fighting for her life, doing everything she can to seduce him and get close to him, because her own life depends on it. And maybe he regrets it, but then boom, she’s pregnant, and what’s he gonna do? Maybe that’s his one and only chance to have a child, because you guys couldn’t. That’s a tough thing to walk away from. Isn’t it?’

Nikki nodded mutely. Maybe. There were too many maybes. Johnson’s file had given her facts about Lenka, and he’d offered her theories. But facts and theories couldn’t explain emotions. Nor could they heal a broken heart.

Sighing, Nikki passed the folder of papers back to him across the table.

‘Oh, that’s OK,’ said Johnson. ‘Those are for you. You can keep ’em.’

‘No thanks,’ said Nikki. ‘It’s time to start letting go of the past. I might as well start here.’

An awkward silence fell. Pushing the cold remnants of his pancakes to one side, Johnson signaled to the waitress for the check.

‘So, er, what are your plans now?’ he asked, feeling someone ought to say something. ‘Will you go back to work?’

‘No.’ Nikki spoke with a firmness that surprised herself. ‘I shut down my office here and put my house on the market. I was toying with the idea of starting a new psychology practice in New York, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m sure I’ll do something out there, I just haven’t figured out what yet. Luckily I can afford to wait. Take some time out.’

‘You’re moving to New York?’ Johnson looked surprised. ‘When?’

‘Now, I guess,’ Nikki shrugged. ‘I mean, soon. There’s nothing keeping me here. I think today was the first time I understood that fully.’

‘OK. But our deal still stands, right?’ Johnson asked distrustfully. ‘You’ll speak up for Jerry at the parole hearing? Because that’s in a month.’

‘Sure,’ said Nikki, adding with a weak smile, ‘A deal’s a deal, Detective. I’ll fly back for it. What about you?’

‘What about me?’ Johnson raised an eyebrow.

‘What are your plans?’ Nikki clarified.

‘My plans?’ He seemed to find the question amusing. ‘I’m a cop. That’s the only plan I got. I’ll move on to the next case, and then the next one, till I croak. I’m not complaining,’ he added quickly. ‘I love the job.’

How could anyone love that job? Nikki thought, watching Johnson pay his check. Police work meant low pay, constant danger, and you didn’t even get public respect any more, not after all the corruption scandals. She still didn’t approve of the way Mick Johnson led his professional life, of the entitled way he behaved, a walking behemoth of white male privilege. And yet, after everything she’d been through, she found she could understand it. It must be exhausting to have to live in a permanent state of battle-readiness. She knew she couldn’t do it.

‘So, I don’t know if you heard,’ Johnson mumbled awkwardly, ‘but they’re giving me a service medal, kind of like a valor thing. For that night at the warehouse.’

‘They are?’ Nikki’s face broke into a genuine smile. ‘Congratulations! That’s amazing.’

‘I mean, you’re probably gonna be busy.’ Johnson was blushing like a schoolboy. ‘But I just thought, you know, if you wanted to come … what I mean is, you’d be welcome.’

‘I’d be honored,’ said Nikki. She was touched, knowing how much it must have cost him to extend the invitation. They’d been through a lot, the two of them, and she recognized this was Detective Johnson’s way of offer

ing an olive branch.

‘Let me know the date and I’ll be there.’ Standing up, she shook his hand. ‘Take care, Detective.’

‘You too, Doc.’

Mick Johnson shook Nikki’s hand and watched her leave the restaurant and disappear down the street.

She was a piece of work, all right. But she was also a survivor.

Mick Johnson respected that.