Chasing Tomorrow

Jeff fell silent. Was she right? Had their time simply passed?

He didn’t know. All he knew was that he felt immensely sad.

Eventually he asked Tracy, “Are you going to tell him the truth? About me?”

Tracy inhaled deeply. “No. I can’t stop you telling him, if you feel you have to. But Blake’s been a wonderful dad to him since the day he was born.”

“I can see that,” said Jeff.

“I don’t want him to lose that.”

“No.” Jeff swallowed hard. “Nor do I.”

At that moment the back door flew open and Nicholas sailed in.

“I’m starving. What’s for lunch? Oh, hi, Uncle Jeff. Do you want to play Super Smash Bros. with me after lunch? Blake hates the Wii.”

“Sure do,” said Blake, hanging up his battered hat. “Rots your brain.”

“And Mom’s useless.”

“Hey!” said Tracy, forcing a smile. “I resent that.”

“I don’t mind beating you at Smash Bros. after lunch,” said Jeff. “As long as you don’t cry about it.”

“Ha!” Nicholas scoffed. “You’ll be the one crying. Beat me, as if!”

“But it’ll have to be our last game for a while, sport. I’m leaving in the morning.”

Tracy, Blake and Nicholas all froze. Nicholas looked stricken.

“Leaving? Why? I thought you were staying till Halloween at least?”

“Something came up,” said Jeff, as casually as he could. “Couldn’t be helped, I’m afraid.”

“What came up?”

“Work. It’s been a great vacation, buddy, but all vacations have to come to an end.”

“Hmm.” Nicholas sounded distinctly unimpressed by this logic. “What is your work anyway, Uncle Jeff?” he asked. “What do you do?”

“Er . . .” Flustered, Jeff looked at Tracy. “I . . . well, I, er . . .”

“Uncle Jeff’s in the antiques business,” Tracy said firmly, not missing a beat. “Now go wash up for lunch.”

THE NEXT MORNING TRACY woke early, long before dawn. She’d had terrible dreams.

She was drowning, sinking, gasping for breath as huge waves crashed over her and powerful currents pulled her deeper and deeper into the black icy depths. She could hear Jeff screaming. “I’m here, Tracy! I’m here! Take my hand!” But when she reached out for him he was gone.

She made herself some coffee and sat downstairs alone, waiting for the sun to rise. She’d felt so peaceful here once, so contented. In this kitchen, this house, this little town in the mountains. Just her and her son and Blake. She’d buried the past. Not just Jeff Stevens, but herself too, the person who she used to be. She’d laid them to rest and mourned them and

she’d moved on. At least that’s what she’d told herself all these years.

What a fool I was! Tracy knew now that the past could never be buried. It was a part of her, the same way that her eyes and skin and heartbeat were a part of her. Jeff was a part of her, and not only because of Nick.

She wondered if she would ever feel contented again. Or was she destined always to live a half-life? To choose one version of herself and sacrifice the others, forever?

Jeff left after breakfast. He came down packed and smiling, making light of his departure, for Nicholas’s sake. There were no lingering good-byes. He and Tracy had agreed on that last night. Instead they kissed each other on the cheek and hugged, like the old friends they were.