Relaxing and having a few drinks sounds like a pretty good idea. The last few weeks have been stressful as hell. I’ve been bustin’ my ass here at work. Mainly because I don’t feel needed anywhere else. So, I come to work, staying late most nights, before heading home to shower and sleep. “Yeah, man, I’ll be there.”
Throwing myself into work is the only way I can deal with my stress and the pent-up tension. That, or drink and I’ve been doing my damnedest not to chase the bottom of a bottle lately.
I finish up my day, leaving Quinn to wrap things up at the shop. I step outside and mount my bike. I make my way out to my father’s estate. Nikolai, my brother, called me a couple days ago asking if I could ride out sometime. He wanted to discuss a few things with me but didn’t want to do it over the phone. I pull up to the gate and I’m immediately let through. I still can’t get used to the wealth my dad has. He made it quite clear on the plane ride to save my woman that ‘what is his, is now mine.’ The thought of having disposable money and endless resources at my fingertips is overwhelming. I’ve always worked hard to have what I’ve got. Nothing has ever been handed to me. For now, I’m happy with the way things are.
Nikolai comes walking out as I’m getting off my bike. “Logan, glad you came. I have lunch ready out back.”
I follow him through the house and out the back-patio door. It smells fuckin’ good out here. I span over to my left and he has the lid of a BBQ grill open, taking off some big ass ribeyes.
“Fuck, brother. I wasn’t hungry before, but now...”
Laughing he points over to a cooler sitting on the ground by the patio table and chairs. “Grabs us a beer. I’ll bring these over in a minute. I like grilling. It relaxes me. Makes me feel normal.”
After slapping the steaks onto some plates, he carries them over and sits one in front of me with a big ass bowl of seasoned fries. Damn. I’m not going to complain. Meat and potatoes. I can handle that.
“By normal, you mean pretending you’re not the son of Russian Mafia?” I pick at him, handing him a beer.
“Exactly. I was born into this life. I didn’t choose it. It can be very unsatisfying. Sometimes I want to be alone. Left to do as I wish. Not what’s expected of me, which brings me to what I wanted to discuss today.” He pauses, taking a bite of his food.
After taking a few bites of the steak, that would give Reid and Quinn a run for their money, I take a sip of beer. Nikolai continues with his conversation as I stuff some fries in my mouth. “I want to stay here in Polson, and I would like you to help me convince my—our father that it would be a good idea.”
Little brother feels like rebelling. I smile. It could be a ver
y good idea or go very badly. Either way, everyone should get to experience life out from under someone’s thumb.
“You wanna stick around, huh? You got a plan on what you want to do while you’re here?”
“I was planning on staying here at the estate, but I was hoping to maybe look for some normal work. Something I could be proud of. Learn and feel accomplished at,” he boasts, with a look of determination and eagerness.
“Hell Yeah! I can get behind that. You wanna be your own man. I get it. I’ll do what I can to help you out.”
Raising his bottle of beer to me, with a big fuckin’ smile, he tells me. “Thank you, brother.”
We finish lunch with general conversation. Getting to know each other a little better before I head out. The sun is starting to set, so I pull out my phone, giving Bella a call. She answers on the first ring. I let her know I’ll be late again tonight. Mostly, I just wanted to hear her sweet voice say ‘I love you.’
It’s almost dark when I get to the clubhouse and park my bike. The party has just started as I walk through the doors, making my way to the bar. Gabriel is sitting in his usual spot, nursing a beer, as I pull up a stool and ask for one of my own, along with a shot of whiskey.
“Hey, brother, you doin’ okay?” Gabriel’s inquires in a low murmur while staring at me.
“Yeah, man. Just wanted to swing by and unwind for a bit.”
Nodding his head, Gabriel doesn’t say anymore. He gets up, making his way upstairs.
As I’m nursing my second beer and my third shot, Reid sits down beside me. “Logan, haven’t seen you hang out around here for awhile. You doing okay?”
If there is one person I can really talk to about some deep shit, it’s Reid. I’ve known him longer than any of my brothers. Hell, he practically is my brother. We grew up together. I take all this into consideration before opening my mouth. “Reid, man, I just don’t know what to do. She won’t open up to me. She’s pushing me away.”
I sound like a pussy right now. Fuck it. I take another shot. Enjoying the burn as it slides down my throat.
“Do you think going home to her drunk is going to help the situation?” Reid cautions.
“I can sleep it off here. Trust me. She won’t even care if I’m not there, brother. She has her sister and Sofia.”
I hear him sigh beside me. “Logan, maybe she just needs some time. Someone tortured her, mentally and physically. My guess is that she’s feeling lost, damaged, and possibly even unattractive. It’s not easy dealing with scars, of any kind. It’s taken me a long time to accept that my body is different. I still feel the need to hide it. In a way, I understand what she is going through.”
Fuck. He’s right. I drag my hand down my face. I’ve watched him struggle since the accident. Not only with losing his brother but his leg as well. He hides it well, always wearing jeans. He may understand where she’s coming from but I’m fighting the battle too. How the fuck can I be there for her when she won’t let me in? How can I help her to get better if all she wants to do is ignore the situation all together? I love her, but it’s hard to fight demons you can’t physically see. I can beat the hell out of anyone any day. Hell, even pull the fuckin’ trigger if I had to for her, but the ghosts...
“I don’t see her any different than I did before. She is still the same beautiful woman I love,” I say, frustration laced on every word... but it’s the truth. What I see hasn’t changed one bit.