The Cheat Sheet

He sighs. “Yes.”

“Wh—why?”

The look on his face says he does not want to answer. “Because I’ve been wanting to invest in real estate?”

“Nathan.”

He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple go up and down. I can feel his body heat all around me. “Because he kept changing the terms of the lease agreement and it was just easier to buy it outright than negotiate again. The guy is sleazy.”

I blink a hundred times. “Wait…why did you say the lease agreement, and not your lease agreement?”

The fact that he takes several seconds to respond almost tells me everything I need to know before he even speaks. “Because technically for the last four years…it’s been our lease agreement.”

The reality of it crashes into me and I shoot out from under him to pace the room. “NATHAN! Have you been paying part of my rent all this time?!”

He swivels his legs so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, hands clasped between his knees in front of him, watching me walk back and forth. “Yes. I have.”

I groan/whimper as dollar signs suddenly start rotating through my vision like a slot machine. Nathan has been helping me financially for FOUR YEARS when I have explicitly told him I don’t want any of his money! This is one of my rules for being friends with him: No accepting monetary gifts. These rules are important to me because they help me keep our friendship in the right box. If I start letting him help financially, if I move in with him, if I attend fancy events and partake in all the perks girlfriends get, I’ll get confused!

He might think it’s nothing because he doesn’t have feelings for me, but I will 100% get things mixed up in my head, and it will crush me when he never wants to be more than friends. Maybe I’m silly, but I’d prefer to not have my heart stuffed into a trash compactor if I can avoid it.

“So the first time…all those years ago when Vance told me he was going to raise the rent and then had a sudden change of heart…that was you? You called him and negotiated to pay the part of my rent I couldn’t afford?”

Nathan’s long lashes blink his answer in morse code. “Bree…”

I whip around to him so hard I’m sure I’ll have a crick in my neck tomorrow. “What? Do you want to apologize now that you got caught? Now that you’re in trouble?”

“No.”

“No?!” Somehow that answer is even more infuriating.

“I can’t apologize because I’m not sorry that I did it.” He’s so calm and collected. Mr. Cool Cucumber here to throw on his sunglasses and show us all up.

I, in comparison, feel like Ms. Erratic Woman Who Stuck Her Finger In a Light Socket. “How can you not be sorry? You went behind my back! You lied to me all these years. Oh gosh, I’m thousands of dollars in your debt!” My hands press into my cheeks.

“You owe me nothing. Not a single dime. You’re not in my debt because I don’t need anything from you.”

“Yes, I do owe you!” My voice is screeching. “How can you not see that this is horribly uncomfortable for me, Nathan? I told you I didn’t want to take your money, and I meant it.”

Part of his cool and collected facade is cracking. He stands quickly. “Why? I’ve never understood! It makes no sense to me. You are my best friend, so why can’t I help you when you need money? I have more than I know what to do with!”

“Because you won’t always be here for me, Nathan!” Okay, whoa, that was way too loud. My statement cuts through the air like a foghorn in a bar fight. People are poised with chairs over their heads, ready to crack them down on their fellow outlaws and all blinking at me.

“Why the hell would you think that?”

“Because it’s true.” I can’t meet his eyes while I say this. “We’re just friends. What happens when I start relying on you financially and then one day you get married and your wife suddenly doesn’t like it that you’re paying for another woman’s rent and all the other things you’d pay for if I let you?”

He shifts from one foot to the other. “I…I wouldn’t marry someone who would be like that. I’ll find someone who’s comfortable with our friendship the way it is.”

I laugh a short, sad laugh. “There is not a single woman who would ever be okay with it, Nathan! It’s an inevitable fact that we have to face. One day we will not be able to be so close anymore. You will fall in love and marry a kickass woman who wants you all to herself—as she should—and you will want to give her your whole heart too. That is why I cannot rely on you financially.” There’s an uncomfortable twisting in my chest. It’s only half of the truth, but it’s all I can reveal.

I stare at him, hoping he will finally get it through his beautiful, benevolent head that I can’t let him be my sugar daddy.

Finally, after a long, thoughtful pause, he says, “How come you’re not also falling in love and getting married in this scenario?” His tone is nothing but playful. “Seems unfair that I get to find my fairytale love and you’ll be over there penniless and lonely.”

I growl and shake my fists in the air. “I’M PAYING YOU BACK!” I punctuate it with an indignant stomp. Ceiling drywall dust flits through the air like snow.

He shakes his head. “No you’re not. I won’t let you.”