The Cheat Sheet

No, Bree. Don’t do it.

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Bree: He says isss because of his game. But I think it’s ’cause he’s pining after someone he can’t have. *frantically rubbing shirt with Tide pen, looking like a sloppy child*

Kara: And who do you think that is?

Bree: *leveling pen at Kara* We sssspend every day together. We’ve been best of friends for millions of years. It has to be me! Whoelsewoulditbe?

Kara: Wow. That’s exciting. And do you have feelings for Nathan?

Bree: *looks thoughtfully at the Tide pen* Chhhheryl, if I could…I’d use zisss pen to wipe away every other woman from Nathan’s life. I’d be the only one left. *frowns* I need to lie down now.

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And that’s when I disappear into the stall and shut the door. The article doesn’t end there though. The next video is capti

oned, What do we think, friends? Does this look like a man in love? My vote is yes. Place your official vote in the poll below!

The video is shot from behind Nathan, and clearly Kara was filming without his knowledge. My heart twists when I see him squat down in front of me and take my hand. He speaks so tenderly, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. And I look…smitten. What in the hell, Bree? Why do you have to look like that? Anyone watching this video can see that I practically have glowing heart emojis in my eyes as I stare at him. And he’s in love with me?! HA! No. He looks like a man taking care of a ten-year-old who lost her mommy. There is no way that Bree is attracting any part of Nathan.

I don’t let the video finish playing. I can’t take it anymore.

Nathan and I are the very best of friends, and we’re going to be until we are 90 years old or he gets married and his wife excommunicates me. I never want to lose him, and this crap?! It’s friendship ending. I’ve been so careful to never tiptoe anywhere close to revealing my feelings, but this absurd article is outing me! Now he’s going to get weird on me.

I call Lily back.

“You see it?” she asks.

“Please run me over with your car.”

“Awww, B. It’s not so bad. So what if Nathan knows you like him? It’s about time, don’t you think?”

I want to pluck the hairs out of her arm one by one for saying that!

“It’s the worst, Lily! You say about time and I say too much time has passed! It’s been six years since we became friends again. That’s so long to suddenly announce Oh hey, by the way, I’ve loved you this whole time! And he hasn’t so much as hinted at attraction to me during that time. He never pushes the line. He happily dates other people and shows exactly zero signs that he wants me in any other capacity than friendship. So, YES, it’s the worst!”

I turn the phone to speaker mode and set it down on the counter so I can rub my hands over my face. My hair spills all around me and I realize that, on top of everything, I’ve lost my favorite yellow scrunchie that I wore to the bar last night! COME ON, UNIVERSE!

“What if he sees this? No, who am I kidding—I’m sure he’s already seen it. He’s going to think I have feelings for him now!”

There’s a long pause on the line before my sister speaks quietly. “Well…I still think it’s a good thing to have everything aired out.”

I growl. “Lily, you’re not understanding. Do you know what Nathan will do if he finds out I have feelings for him?” I don’t give her a chance to answer because I’m hysterical now. “HE’LL DATE ME! He’ll date me out of pity, and then he’ll get bored of pity-dating me, and we’ll have a horrible, awkward breakup, and all these years of friendship will go up in flames.”

“But you don’t know that for sure!”

“I do! Have you seen the women he dates? They are gorgeous, stunning supermodels, and even they can’t hold his attention for more than a few weeks. Nathan is waiting on some perfect woman out there that I don’t think exists, and he’s not going to settle until he finds her. Ask the poor girl he accidentally stood up a few months ago!”

“And how do you know he stood up a date?”

“Because I was with him! I saw it all firsthand! We were playing Mario and then she called and was furious, and he didn’t even seem that sorry about it! I don’t want to know that side of Nathan.”

Lily lightly clears her throat in a way that almost sounds like she’s laughing. “So…let me get this straight. He stood up that girl because he was hanging out with you. Tell me, Bree, how often does this happen?”

I narrow my eyes even though she can’t see them. “I see what you’re doing. Don’t turn this into something it’s not.” I hate when people do this to me, when they try to plant an idea in my head about a future with Nathan. No. I won’t allow it. If there is anything important I learned through my accident in high school and losing the only future I planned for, it’s that everything works out better if I just live in the now and work with what I’ve got. No sense in relying on something I don’t officially have in my hands at that moment. Life pulls the rug out from under us all the time, so if I can just be happy with what I have at this exact moment, I’ll live a healthier life. Right now, I have a best friend I love to spend time with. If I start growing discontent and hoping for more with Nathan, that’s when I’ll lose him for good.

“I don’t want a relationship with him, okay? Not unless he is the one to initiate it by declaring his undying love for me. Anything less will just end up as an epic failure, because no one—not even you—wants to be in a relationship where she’s not loved as fervently as she loves.”