The Cheat Sheet

Me: Gosh you’re so picky.

Nathan: Damn straight. Only man you can elope with in Vegas is me.

Me: Oh good. Because you’re the only one I want to elope with. How about tonight?

Nathan: Can’t tonight. I’m busy. How about tomorrow night? I have a little thing from like 6:30-10:30 but after that I’m free.

Me: Sure! Sounds good!

Now, Lily and I are walking to our provided box at the stadium, strapped into painful high heels and Saran-wrapped in fashionable designer dresses a la Marshalls.

Except, because I’m me and can’t be counted on to completely conform to societal fashion norms, I’ve also paired my cute, white, bodycon dress with a black jersey (with Nathan’s number 8, of course) cinched with a little knot in the front.

Something I learned early on in Nathan’s career: NFL wives and girlfriends live by a strict fashion code, and that code is fancy AF at all times. As his friend only, I was free to go to the games in sneakers and a t-shirt. As his girlfriend…actually, who cares. I’ll still come to the games in whatever I want. Today, I wanted to wear heels and dress up. Next game, it might be a onesie with a hood. No one can ever really predict what’s going to happen with my sartorial choices.

After being shown to the box, we step inside and find Vivian, Nathan’s mom, already here and sucking up all the oxygen with her big ego. She’s swirling the olives in her martini glass, looking like she’s got at least ten snooty comments on the tip of her tongue.

“Hi, Mrs. Donelson, it’s good to see you again.” I smile and hold out my hand like a car salesman. Wanna buy this load of crap? Normal people hug in situations like this. But let’s all remember that Vivian Donelson is far from normal, and she’s always seen me as a threat to Nathan’s career. In other words, she hates me.

Those dark eyes—similar to Nathan’s but in a haunting way that makes you think they never shut—slither down to my extended hand. “Next time, you’ll do well to get a manicure before a big game like the other players’ wives and girlfriends. And leave the tacky bracelets at home. They don’t fit in this world.” Those eyes slide back up. Hand: unshook. “No one likes a hippie sitting in the NFL wives’ section.”

Lily steps forward like she’s going to rip her earrings out of her ears and pummel this woman Wreck-It Ralph style. I grab her forearm and stop her, because I don’t need her to fight this battle for me. I’m not even stung by her words. All I feel right now is sadness for Nathan. To have grown up with such an exacting, demanding mother would have been excruciating. No wonder he feels swamped by pressure and expectations. I’m also in awe of him for overcoming this woman’s influence and becoming such a generous, kind person in spite of her. It just proves that money is not what defines a person; it only enhances their nature.

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Well, it’s time Mrs. Donelson is enlightened about her nature and what sort of effect it has on the people around her. Nathan has really stepped away from his parents over the last few weeks as per the suggestion of his therapist and has been committed to implementing new boundaries. He’s opened up to me about things from his childhood that I had no idea about and also talked frankly about his mom’s attitude toward me specifically. He was clear from the beginning of our new relationship that I never have to wear a gag around his mom. I’m free to speak my mind and stand up for myself with his full, unwavering support.

So everyone, stand back—I’m about to become this woman’s worst nightmare.

“Mrs. Donelson,” I begin with a measured smile. “First, it’s well past time for you to stop saying rude things like that to me.”

I think she would frown, but her face is always set in a scowl so it’s hard to tell.

I continue, “As I think you already know, I am here to stay. And you can be completely sure that if you continue to speak to me or my boyfriend like you have in the past, your days in this box with us will be over. Just because you birthed him and pushed him toward success, it does not guarantee your place in our lives.”

As I’ve said before, I’m no threat to women in Nathan’s life—until they make him choose. He will choose me every single time, and now that I know why, I fully intend to let that power go to my head. I will protect him just as fiercely as he protects me.

“I won’t speak on Nathan’s behalf even though I have a list as long as my arm of issues I would love to comment on, but as for how you treat me, you are condescending and rude, and I won’t put up with it.”

Lily’s eyes go wide and she presses her lips together to keep from openly smiling. Mrs. Donelson’s left eye twitches ever so slightly. Her chin rises in the air, and I’m prepared for her slashing words. Actually, I’m prepared for a literal slap across the face.

Neither of those things happen.

“This drink is horrible. I’m going to see if what they have out there is any better.” She brushes past us, and a chill sweeps through the air along with her. I thank my lucky stars Nathan is not close with that woman and I don’t have to endure her but a few times a year.

Once she’s gone and the door closes behind her, Lily turns to me. “I have never been more proud of you in my life.” Well, good, because I’m literally shaking now that it’s all over. “All that woman needed was a fur coat and she’d be a Disney villain. Also, where is Nathan’s dad?”

“He has a big meeting tomorrow that he wants to be rested for. He told Nathan he’d catch part of the game on TV.”

Lily blinks. “You’re kidding me.”

“I wish.”

Nathan has worked so hard to please his parents, and here he is, at the Super Bowl for the second time, and his dad doesn’t even bother to show because he needs to wash his hair and get his beauty sleep.

Lily and I walk down the three little stairs that lead from the entertaining area of the box to the leather seats in front of the glass. The stadium is rapidly filling with fans all decked out in conflicting colors of black and silver, orange and navy. Energy sparks through the stadium like fireworks. My own anticipation is bubbling through me, fancy champagne style.

Nathan (and his team, but seriously who cares about them) will run through that tunnel shortly, and this stadium will go wild. They hold signs with his name on it, wearing jerseys printed with his number, and the opposing fans fear him and what he will do today. His name will be on the tongues of thousands. Chanted and screamed. Everyone speculates, What is Nathan Donelson like in real life?