Then, Lila broke it. “You know Derek.”
“Yeah, I do,” I said with a sigh.
“How do you know him?”
My head tipped back. “I know him like you know Ash.”
Lila’s eyes rounded. Those words had said everything I hadn’t been able to say all these years. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.” I laughed softly and set my drink down. “Yes, I do. I mean, it’s stupid, but if I told you, it would be real.”
Lila shot me a sympathetic look. “Was it that bad?”
“Yes and no. It was… everything. A whole new world that I’d never, ever understood before. It was like I was really breathing for the first time. And then it burned down over and over again.”
Lila touched my hand. “That I do understand. I wish you’d told me. Did Josie know?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, at least you had one of us.”
“And Gran.”
“Always Gran,” Lila said softly. “So, when was this?”
“It was when you were in PT school and you were so swamped. I don’t know. I held it secret for so long, expecting it to fall apart and then it did. A self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“Do you still care about him?”
A tear slipped down my cheek, and I swiped at it angrily. “I don’t know.”
“Mars,” she whispered, “no more lying or hiding. It’s me and you. You know how I feel about Ash and Cole. Walking away today was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Derek married someone else.”
Lila winced. “I’m so sorry.”
“And there was a moment when I thought it could work out again. I was in Savannah for Josie and Maddox’s SCAD thing last Halloween, remember?”
“Yeah. I was at a Falcons game and couldn’t come.”
“That weekend, I ran into Derek. We spent the entire night walking around the city. We nearly kissed, and then he told me he was marrying someone else.”
“What?” Lila gasped. “That’s terrible.”
I buried my face in my hands. All of the pain came crashing down on me all over again. “I wanted it to work out so bad. I’ve never gotten over him. I hate him so much. I hate him with every fiber of my being for the way he hurt and manipulated me, but…”
Lila stroked my back. “But you love him that much too.”
I sniffled, wiping at my eyes, and met my best friend’s gaze. She understood like maybe no one else ever would. “I love him even more. And seeing him, it all comes back every time. I want to punch him and kiss him. I want it to all work out and for him to come crawling back to say he made a huge mistake. But… he’s never going to do that, is he?”
“I don’t know, Mars. But I’m glad you told me, and you’re not alone with this hurt anymore.”
Lila pulled me into a hug. Our broken hearts were still a crushed mess. Even if everything else was demolished and impossible, at least we had each other.
33
Savannah
Present
Finding parking in Savannah was always such a nightmare. Derek’s house was in the heart of the city with tourists rampaging through the goddamn streets at any given day of the week. Finally, I found a spot a few blocks from his place. I shouldered the bag I’d put together for our sailing trip. Amelia and Ash were meeting us at Derek’s in twenty for us all to go out on the water. Since I hadn’t seen them for my birthday, I’d wanted to do another outing with the four of us. Derek had seemed to approve.
I practically skipped up the sidewalk and knocked three times on the front door. Ever since my birthday, I’d been trying to see Derek as much as I could. It was reckless, considering the case. And being reckless with Derek had always blown up in my face. Still, I wanted this to work. It worried me that I wanted it to work, and yet I was still doing it. Maybe it was Gran’s passing that was making me give in to this one more time. But I was happy, and that was all that mattered.
The door swung open, and a gorgeous blonde stood before me. She was tall, maybe five-ten, with legs for days in a baby-blue romper and wedges. Her makeup was immaculate and hair perfectly Southern. Her pretty features sneered as she asked, “What do you want?”
My smile dropped and eyes rounded. Because I knew who this gorgeous blonde was. I’d never met her in person, but I’d looked Derek up on social media just once to see the miraculous woman that had gotten him to settle down. And that woman was standing in front of me.
“Uh…” I said. “Wrong house.”
I backed up, fear and disgust boiling through me.
“Kasey!” Derek barked from somewhere in the house. “Why the fuck are you answering my door?”