“Yeah.”
“That was Marilee for me.”
Roe nodded and took a bite of his food. Once he swallowed, he said, “Linds is like a sister to me.”
“Only you share a son.”
“We do. I always knew I wanted kids. I was in my early thirties, her too. She hadn’t ever really been serious about anyone. It made sense to us at the time, though now I look back and wonder what in the hell we were thinking. But then, Wyatt is the most important person in my life, so I’m thankful for that decision even if it did turn out a little more convoluted than we wanted to think it would be.”
Holden bit into his sandwich, and Roe found himself continuing. “It’s hard sometimes, being in a small town. Everyone knows us, knows our business. There are rumors and gossip. Half the town doesn’t want to believe I’m really gay, and they’re waiting for me to do my duty and make her my wife.”
“She waiting for that?” Holden asked, and Roe’s back immediately stiffened. “Shit. I’m sorry. I had no right to ask that. It’s not my business, and I don’t even know Lindsey. That wasn’t fair to her.”
“You’re not the first to ask, but we’re not… She knows I’m gay. She’s always known I’m gay. We’ve never…outside of having Wyatt. We decided we’d give it one shot. If she got pregnant, it was meant to be. If not, it wasn’t. She kept track of her cycle, and clearly I have strong swimmers.” Roe winked. “It was awkward for both of us, but I think because we’re so close, that made it okay. We never really talked about it afterward. When it comes to her relationship status, Linds doesn’t accept less than she deserves and, well, it’s probably not the easiest on her—living here, knowing everyone in town, having a kid with me. Makes me feel guilty a lot, like I hold her back, being so close to me. People are strange, and there’s still a lot of backward thinking out there. She’s forty-four, never been married, has a son with me. Fuck.” He rubbed a hand over his face. While he knew having Wyatt was the best decision they could have made, it was these small nuances they hadn’t considered.
“It’s not your fault,” Holden said. “She knew what she was doing just as much as you did. From where I’m sitting, you’re both happy, raising your son, and you’ve both made sacrifices.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. He guessed so. “Poor thing. Every Sunday at church they ask her where I am. Not Mama or…Dad,” Roe said pointedly, “but Lindsey. They treat her like she’s my wife.”
“Gotta admit, I thought the same. The two of you together…”
“I love her, but I could never be in love with her.” Roe was done talking about his life for now. Hell, he was surprised at how much detail he’d gone into already. “What about you? How long have you and…”
“Vince,” Holden said between bites. “A little over a year.”
Jealousy stabbed through his chest. Roe had always wanted that. He’d thought he’d had it for a while. “Wow…serious, then.”
“Nah, not really. We kinda do our own thing.”
“Open?” Roe asked. While open relationships weren’t for him, he knew a lot of people, especially when he’d been in DC, for whom those relationships had been exactly what both parties wanted.
“Nope, not like that. Well, not really. Vince is a flirt, which doesn’t bother me. He knows it doesn’t, and if it did, he would quit. We just… We’re busy, we have our own lives, and that works well for us. We don’t have expectations of each other. He likes to go out more than I do. I’m a homebody most of the time, so even when I’m in town, we spend a lot of time apart. We have a good time together, but we’re busy with our careers. That comes first for us.”
Roe bobbed his head, probably ridiculously. He was glad Holden and Vince found what worked for them, but he couldn’t imagine it. He wanted…more. He wouldn’t be satisfied in a relationship like that.
“What about you?”
“I keep him locked in my room,” Roe joked, and Holden laughed.
“Not what I meant.”
“I had a boyfriend. We were serious. We lived together. I thought he was the one.”
“You don’t have to say.”
“Nah, I don’t mind.” It sucked and was still painful, but he’d moved on. “It was difficult sometimes because I spent so much time in Harmony. I was realizing I wanted to be here more. I’d done the city thing, made some money, had some fun. I wanted to be closer to my son, my family. Richard worked from home, so that helped. We tried long-distance at first, but that wasn’t working for either of us. I’m not really built that way. I wanted him to move here, because I loved him, and like I said, we were serious. He agreed, but it didn’t last long. A couple of months. I came home from work one day and he was packed, said he was heading back to the city. He didn’t like small-town life, didn’t like being a stepdad. The family thing wasn’t in the cards for him.”